double bonus hax chat: how to deal with her friend who thinks she would get more dates if she just ran with an "uglier" crowd of people
Posted by
moles (aka chris)
Apr 15 '11, 11:31
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Your butt is not the problem
How should I react to a good friend who blames her single status on her appearance and constantly says things like "I need uglier friends"? She's in her early 30s and says that every guy she's ever liked has ended up dating one of her more attractive friends instead. She seems to think it's because she's overweight and ugly -- and she is plump, but men would be all over her if she weren't also incredibly prickly. She's a smart and interesting woman, but she refuses to flirt or display any interest (she says there's no point because she'll just be rejected), and she comes off as unapproachable and cold and just generally not much fun. What makes it extra-awkward is that I know she considers me to be one of the pretty people who've stolen away a prospective boyfriend -- 7 years ago, I dated a mutual friend on whom she apparently had a huge crush (although because she's so reticent, I had no idea I was stepping on her toes). And I do comprehend the frustration of being surrounded by people who've all won the genetic lottery when you're comparatively average-looking. But I don't know how to respond to her remarks, and I don't know how to tell her that her "problem" has much less to do with the way she looks than the way she acts. Suggestions?
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Responses:
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"Fat, ugly and bitchy is no way to go through life, girlie." -- nm
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Dean Wormer
Apr 15, 11:47
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Be blunt. "Guys think you're a cold fish and a bit of a bitch. Lighten up, show some interest."
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TWuG
Apr 15, 11:43
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I think you should say "this has less to do with the way you look than the way you act" She's your friend. Tell her she acts weird around guys. -- nm
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Amy
Apr 15, 11:42
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tell her to aim lower. nm -- nm
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groiny
Apr 15, 11:40
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She should just start dating her cute GFs. -- nm
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Spawn
Apr 15, 11:36
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"Maybe you just need to get prettier." -- nm
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Ender
Apr 15, 11:36
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"get over it, show more cleavage...and would it kill you to blow a couple of these guys? They may ask you out after that." -- nm
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Jim
Apr 15, 11:34
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"why do you think your friends hang out with you" -- nm
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Beaker
Apr 15, 11:34
2
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