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bonus hax chat q: she's been dating her guy for four months and last night he dropped the bomb that he has a 5-y.o. daughter from another woman

Posted by lord tubbington (aka chris) May 13 '11, 13:07

BOMBSHELL

Dear Carolyn, Last night my boyfriend, whom I've been dating for four awesome months, dropped the bombshell: He has a 5-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. There are so many things racing through my mind now that I don't know where to begin. On the one hand, it explains why his schedule is so tight at times...but on the other hand, he still has a -lot- of free time, so is it possible that he's giving his daughter everything she needs? I also don't know anything about the state of his relationship with the mother and am also quite surprised at how long he kept this secret. How do I adjust to this information, and what does this change about the relationship?

Responses:

My answer depends on the age of the guy. -- nm - David May 13, 13:20 1
- Really? Age of the kid, maybe. -- nm - Spawn May 13, 13:21
maybe ask the boyfriend these questions before asking hax? we don't even know if he has contact with the kid. 4 months isn't that deep in. -- nm - Max May 13, 13:18
Doesn't seem like that huge. I'm boggled that "I have a kid" didn't immediately lead to info on the relationship with the mother. - Dr.Vermin May 13, 13:14 1
- Shock goes a long way. -- nm - Spawn May 13, 13:16
I have a friend who discovered this just a few weeks before her wedding. She actually developed a great relationship with the kid, but - MojaveMeg May 13, 13:11 1
- that's ballsy -- nm - lord tubbington May 13, 13:12
Unless she asked about children, it seems OK. -- nm - Amy May 13, 13:10 16
- "I have a kid" is basic, first-date material. -- nm - nubby May 13, 13:19 5
  - Depends....I think definetly before four months but does not have to be first date... - Walt_Disney May 13, 13:25
  - I have a cousin with a kid from his first wife, who ran away with her and said if he tried to contact her - Max May 13, 13:21 1
    - whoa, grammar: "a cousin who has a daughter..." -- nm - Max May 13, 13:24
  - Agreed. It could potentially be a dealbreaker. nm - Dignan May 13, 13:21
  - Yeah, too many lies of omission (if not outright) to cover it up. -- nm - Spawn May 13, 13:20
- i think it would depend on where they are relationship-wise. 4 months could either be still new-ish, or practically engaged for some people - Andie May 13, 13:17 5
  - yeah this. I assume they're casual because otherwise he's a jerk. -- nm - amanda jones May 13, 13:22
  - If they were exclusive, he should have told. As a parent, part of you and your heart belongs to your kid. -- nm - Spawn May 13, 13:18 3
    - Not all parents might feel that way. -- nm - Amy May 13, 13:20 2
      - Sounds like prime dating material. then. -- nm - Spawn May 13, 13:21 1
        
        She doesn't even really know if he sees the child much at all. You need to chill. -- nm - Amy May 13, 13:23
- right? I don't bring it up right away. also, maybe he want that into her: introducing a child to a partner is a big deal. - amanda jones May 13, 13:13 3
  - Intro? We are talking about the fact of existence, here. -- nm - Spawn May 13, 13:17
  - You have a kid? -- nm - crash davis May 13, 13:16 1
    - you didn't know this? whatever, crash. we've only been dating 10 years. it's no big. nm - amanda jones May 13, 13:23
Four months is a long time. She'd be right to have trust issues. - nubby May 13, 13:08 4
- He either does not care enough about his daughter or did not care enough about the woman to tell her up front. - Spawn May 13, 13:10 3
  - hee ... FTD -- nm - JenBro May 13, 13:19 2
    - Scrubs this from my memory. - CovingtonCat May 13, 13:32
    - and a new ST acronym is born -- nm - lord tubbington May 13, 13:26
[deleted] 2
- [deleted]
- this -- nm - Spawn May 13, 13:08

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bonus hax chat q: she's been dating her guy for four months and last night he dropped the bomb that he has a 5-y.o. daughter from another woman

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