boston.com Love Letters My Wife Hates My Mom.
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
May 20 '11, 11:11
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Dear Meredith,
My wife has never really had a good relationship with my mother. I actually thought things had gotten a little better, but a few weeks back, things took a major turn for the worse.
I know my mom can be difficult to handle at times. She is definitely lonely and lives a long drive away from us. When we do see her, she does some things to make sure I am giving her my entire attention. I understand how that can bother my wife. But I don't think my mother is acting out of any ill will or with any ill intent.
A few weeks ago, we went to my mother's house for a visit. My wife and I were doing some married couple bickering over something trivial, but it was really nothing. But when I went to another room, my mom told my wife that she needs to treat me better. She was wrong and never should have said anything. But my wife responded by telling my mother she overstepped her boundaries and then essentially made us leave. After that, my wife told me that she hates my mom and that she intentionally acts in an evil way.
That is my problem. My wife says she feels like my mom is always trying to get me to choose between the two of them. And I can see that, but I also feel like my wife is making me choose, too. I agreed to speak to my mom, to tell her there are boundaries and things she just should not say to my wife, but that wasn't enough for my wife. I want my wife to also give my mom a break. We don't see her that often (maybe once a month). They don't have to be friends, but just be friendly, civil. But my wife has said she can't do that.
I really don't know what to do. I love my wife and I know my mom can be difficult. But I also don't know if I can shake what my wife said either (that she hates her and thinks she is evil), and I also feel like as a mature adult, she should be able to look the other way every now and then.
Ultimately, I love my wife, but I worry that there is this wedge being driven between us. My wife is really asking me to make a choice and to choose her every time all the time. And if I can't do that, I feel like we can't survive. What should I do?
� My wife hates my mother, East Coast
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Responses:
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/sides with wife. -- nm
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loosilu
May 20, 13:09
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/sides with mom. -- nm
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Dr.Vermin
May 20, 12:08
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So, if your wife and mom continue to dislike each other, you marriage won't "survive?" Come on. -- nm
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con_carne
May 20, 11:46
1
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I'd be more of an unusual problem if she *didn't* hate your mom. -- nm
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Mop
May 20, 11:38
3
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the compromise i would suggest is your wife doesn't have to go visit with you every time. maybe she goes every other time, and when she goes she
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Andie
May 20, 11:20
2
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His wife needs to paste on a smile and suck it up for the team. -- nm
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Amy
May 20, 11:16
1
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And Kim says there is no such thing as Hell... -- nm
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David
May 20, 11:14
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"Talk to your mom and have your wife's back once in a while, preferably in front of your wife."
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TFox
May 20, 11:13
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choose whoever you have the better sex with obviously -- nm
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Beaker
May 20, 11:12
2
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