ST Alpha - "ok! so, i'll leave the details out. but basically, i spent the weekend with some friends and am kind of up in the air about what to do about one " (Reading a Post)

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In response to "yes please. -- nm" by loosilu

ok! so, i'll leave the details out. but basically, i spent the weekend with some friends and am kind of up in the air about what to do about one

Posted by kare (aka kare) Jan 5 '09, 10:31

particular friend.

she, essentially, is jealous of my relationship with jeff, because she would like to have someone in her life, so it hurts her to see me happy with someone. and she basically can't get over herself enough to behave herself when we're all together. she either looks like she's about to cry or makes snide comments to us.

she's someone who really needs a friend. she doesn't have many. i'm pretty certain part of this is because she makes everything about herself (see above).

i am going to have a talk with her, but i'm actually not sure where to draw the line as far as limiting our friendship goes. i guess i'm not really asking for advice or anything. maybe i'm just venting. i'm pretty fucking pissed off. this was a weekend getaway for jeff's birthday and i extended an invite to her becuase i thought it would be fun for her, and she couldn't get over herself and pretend to be cool for two effing days?!

Responses:

Confession: I tend to be the same way emotionally (thinking stuff is about me). I sympathize with your friend, but she needs to grow up - con_carne Jan 5, 10:43 1
- interesting perspective, thanks. :) -- nm - kare Jan 5, 10:44
Yeah, uncool. But sympathetically so. - Dr.Vermin Jan 5, 10:36
thing is that if she always makes everything about herself, you'll never be happy with her friendship. talking about this will not change the dynamic - zork Jan 5, 10:36 4
- disagree, sometimes making the person aware of such things is all it takes. -- nm - loosilu Jan 5, 10:38 3
  - we've gone back and forth before. but i am thinking that even if i completely end the friendship, i can at leas do her the (potential) favor of laying - kare Jan 5, 10:41 1
    - If you've been back and forth, then I think this is a good idea (and you would be doing her a favor in the long run). -- nm - loosilu Jan 5, 10:43
  - perhaps. i think it unlikely to last but maybe. -- nm - zork Jan 5, 10:39
Wow I was right the first time. -- nm - Loyola Jan 5, 10:36
You never know...she may not even realize she's doing it. I'd just bring it up with a - Jim Jan 5, 10:35 10
- she actually does. she confessed to another friend there that she's doing it because she's jealous. but it's like she can't help herself. - kare Jan 5, 10:38 8
  - Ouch. Well that changes the style of the conversation. You could always play the - Jim Jan 5, 10:41 1
    - it kind of *is* being mean, isn't it? i'm sort of excusing it because of the reasoning behind it, if that makes sense. -- nm - kare Jan 5, 10:44
  - Reading this, I up the likelihood I do what I posted below by at least 20% into the 80-90% range. -- nm - TFox Jan 5, 10:41
  - ahhhhh. then in that case I would just back off in a passive way. -- nm - loosilu Jan 5, 10:39 4
    - i'm doing that with the *other* friend who pissed me off in a similar way. but that's because we work together. -- nm - kare Jan 5, 10:40 3
      - you think you need to address this one more directly? -- nm - loosilu Jan 5, 10:40 2
        
        i can't afford to end this other friendship with the coworker, but i'm actively backing off. - kare Jan 5, 10:48 1
        
        (can't afford to end it from a work perspective) -- nm - kare Jan 5, 10:49
- Unless of course, SHE was the chick you kissed before him on New Year's...then you could just be sending mixed signals! nm - Jim Jan 5, 10:35
My advice is never of use to you on stuff like this, I think, b/c I'd be meaner than you'd ever want to be. -- nm - TFox Jan 5, 10:34 3
- i do care about her, so i don't want to just tell her to eff off and be done with her. but i also just want to tell her to eff off and be done with - kare Jan 5, 10:36 2
  - If it is of any use, I would likely start off being polite, wait until she balked or copped an attitude... - TFox Jan 5, 10:39 1
    - heh. -- nm - kare Jan 5, 10:42
ahhhh. while I totally sympathize, she is being uncool. - loosilu Jan 5, 10:33

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ok! so, i'll leave the details out. but basically, i spent the weekend with some friends and am kind of up in the air about what to do about one

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