meredith's response to "I'm Not Ready For Her to Move In/Thrice Bitten, Once Shy" Guy.
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Jun 8 '11, 08:13
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I'm on her side about the trial run thing, TBOS. That just doesn't make any sense to me. An extended sleepover isn't going to make you any more comfortable with the idea of her moving in than you are now.
But I'm on your side about everything else. You haven't even been together for a year and she wants final answers. All you can do is tell her this: "I'm into you, I don't want to lose you, and yes, if we're happy and comfortable after a reasonable amount of time (at least a year?), we can revisit the cohabitation issue." Because that's how you feel, right?
If she can't give you at least a year to be in a relationship with her before moving in, she's just another woman who isn't considering your needs and you should reconsider the whole relationship. It's possible that she has her own past to deal with -- that she's been strung along in previous relationships -- but that doesn't mean you have to live on her schedule.
My advice is to bring her to therapy with you so that you can have this discussion in a safe zone. Don't attempt to keep her at bay with long-term sleepovers and promises you can't keep. Just set your boundaries, be honest, tell her all of the good things you told us, and see if she's capable of empathy. Because that's what you need from her.
Readers? Should this woman be asking to move in after just a few months? Is she just another woman who's telling him what to do? Do you think there's more to this story? Is the trial run/extended sleepover idea a fair one? What�s happening here? Discuss.
� Meredith
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