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not exactly a fan of meredith's response to 'Tired of Texting' (at least the part about blogging). The rest is ok.

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Jun 9 '11, 07:26

Your letter makes me heartsick, too, TOT. My guess is that this is simply a flirtation, but it's still awful.

I'm worried, but you have a very important thing going for you that many couples don't have: "We're best friends who can talk about anything with one another." Thank goodness for that.

The last time you asked him about this, he was honest and understanding. He didn't get defensive; he simply did what he needed to do to make you comfortable again. That's pretty great. And it means that when you talk to him about this again (and confess to him that you snooped), he'll probably explain what's going on in his head.

I have to wonder whether the texting is simply an addiction. It almost sounds like he's blogging -- but just to her. And let me tell you, when you write something down and someone comments on it, validating your existence by the hour, it feels good (said the blogger). It can become a part of your routine. It can be the thing that keeps you going. I'm not condoning his behavior, but I'm open to the possibility that he's using her as an audience.

It's something for you both to consider when you have the talk, which should be soon. I'd save the ultimatums and start with an honest discussion.

Responses:

huh? a flirtation that goes on every day for years? I think she missed the boat. -- nm - loosilu Jun 9, 07:28 34
- I have girls who I flirt with every time we talk, it is not a big deal. nm -- nm - groiny Jun 9, 07:29 33
  - I think that it's probably healthier to get that validation mostly from your spouse. It's not that it happens, it's that - Amy Jun 9, 07:32 20
    - I see what you are saying, but it is also a matter of perspective. - groiny Jun 9, 07:36 19
      - Where are you getting insecurity from? I didn't see that at all. -- nm - kelly Jun 9, 07:41 10
        
        me neither. If she's unsure, I'd say he gave her good reason to be. -- nm - loosilu Jun 9, 07:47
        
        sticks out like a sore thumb to me. nm -- nm - groiny Jun 9, 07:44 8
        
        So quote the passages that make it stick out like a sore thumb. If it's that blatent, it shouldn't be too hard. -- nm - mara Jun 9, 07:45 7
        
        here - groiny Jun 9, 07:47 6
        
        you think the other woman moved on? - loosilu Jun 9, 07:48 5
        
        after 20 years, I would hope so. nm -- nm - groiny Jun 9, 07:48 4
        
        not if he's been throwing her crumbs all this time. -- nm - loosilu Jun 9, 07:49 3
        
        I can see why you would say that. - groiny Jun 9, 07:50 2
        
        here's the thing. - loosilu Jun 9, 07:51 1
        
        we all do stuipd shit sometimes. nm -- nm - groiny Jun 9, 07:52
      - After 20 years of marriage? I think she has her shit tight. He needs to focus on the marriage, or admit he's not happy and get out. -- nm - Amy Jun 9, 07:39 7
        
        I can see her having an esteem issue...20yrs or so puts them likely in the 45yo range...a little restlessness - Will Hunting Jun 9, 07:40 6
        
        I am just saying that it is entirely possible that it looks worse than it is, from her eyes. - groiny Jun 9, 07:42 5
        
        I see your point Groiny - but this is your nature - your personality - Epiphany Jun 9, 07:52 2
        
        it would be better if it were 10 women? nm -- nm - groiny Jun 9, 07:54 1
        
        in a way yes - make it less odd. gut feelings are not always right - but this seems strange to her - Epiphany Jun 9, 07:58
        
        Very possible, it is worse....but he's putting himself into the "Smoke then Fire" zone here being relatively dumb. - Will Hunting Jun 9, 07:44 1
        
        I knew you were an all right guy... -- nm - kelly Jun 9, 07:53
  - do you text them every hour, all day? -- nm - loosilu Jun 9, 07:29 11
    - Have you not seen him on here with the women of ST? -- nm - pmb Jun 9, 07:35 2
      - no, because she is not one of them. nm -- nm - groiny Jun 9, 07:37 1
        
        you think I have all the other women killfiled or something? -- nm - loosilu Jun 9, 07:38
    - if it is a co worker, I would quite a bit. - groiny Jun 9, 07:31 7
      - I doubt very much she is exaggerating. -- nm - loosilu Jun 9, 07:31 6
        
        which is more likely? she exaggerates, or he runs to his phone every hour? nm -- nm - groiny Jun 9, 07:34 5
        
        If he's having an affair, he's probably texting her way more than once an hour. That may just be how much she's catching him. -- nm - Inigo Jun 9, 07:36
        
        Knowing the idiocy of technophiles, I'm going with him on the phone. - Will Hunting Jun 9, 07:35 1
        
        hell, I've seen guys do that exact thing. - loosilu Jun 9, 07:36
        
        the second, IMO. -- nm - loosilu Jun 9, 07:34 1
        
        lmao. nm -- nm - groiny Jun 9, 07:35
Baby, I'm just blogging with her. -- nm - Beaker Jun 9, 07:28

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not exactly a fan of meredith's response to 'Tired of Texting' (at least the part about blogging). The rest is ok.

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