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thurs. hax chat q: he started an affair with a married woman. now he's divorced, happy being single. her hubby found out, kicked her to the curb

Posted by moles (aka chris) Jun 9 '11, 11:33

OVERWHELMED BY GUILT

Hi Carolyn, I started an affair with a married friend, "Mary," last year when my own marriage was in a very dark place. At the time I believed I was in love with Mary and I told her that I wanted her to end her marriage as well so we could be together, have a child, etc. But when I finally broke the news to my wife, I realized that (the telling) was the hardest part, and that I had not wanted the new relationship as much as I just wanted to be free from the old one. Now, what I want is to be single. I live alone and my divorce will be final in a few months. Meanwhile, to my surprise, Mary also came clean to her husband. He essentially kicked her out before she could even tell him she wanted out anyway. Her marriage is over with no hope of reconcile, and now she is pushing to move in with me and start our lives together. That's not what I want anymore. How do I tell her that without seeming like I misled her?

Responses:

You did. Cop to it. At least now you "seem" to have the advantage that you know what you want going forward. -- nm - con_carne Jun 9, 11:42
You did mislead her dumbass. Now suck it up and deal with the consequences. - pmb Jun 9, 11:41
"I don't think I want to be in a relationship with someone who would cheat on their significant other" - Beaker Jun 9, 11:39
was the affair over? or was he still sleeping with her while feeling like he's 'single.' - Andie Jun 9, 11:38
Explain with a shrug of your shoulders and say "I'm a douchebag, what'd you expect?" -- nm - Stephen Jun 9, 11:38 3
- "I'll just cheat on you like I did on her. I don't want that. You don't want that. Let's just leave it as some fun we once had in a Motel 6..." -- nm - Name Withheld By Request Jun 9, 11:39 2
  - Happy birthday! -- nm - David Jun 9, 11:49 1
    - Thanks. -- nm - Name Withheld By Request Jun 9, 12:01
Kill yourself. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Jun 9, 11:38
Um, it doesn't just SEEM like that. -- nm - Amy Jun 9, 11:38 1
- that's my favorite part. he's actually looking for advice on how to mislead her about being misled -- nm - moles Jun 9, 11:40
Tell her flat out. She chose to cheat, now she has to deal with the consequences. -- nm - TWuG Jun 9, 11:37 3
- right. but that's not the issue. she is dealing. she fessed up. now she's looking for him to deliver on what he promised. -- nm - Andie Jun 9, 11:39 2
  - Jump, I'll catch you. Psych. -- nm - Max Jun 9, 11:41
  - *shrug* He was cheating, she was cheating. Neither was being honest. Tough titty, I say. - TWuG Jun 9, 11:41
just change your phone number - decline Jun 9, 11:37 1
- gasp! I totally forgot to tell you all something!! remember my stalker? we texted him back "I don't know who you're looking for. I just got this - amanda jones Jun 9, 11:39
this guy is Prince Charming -- nm - Beaker Jun 9, 11:37
Dear Overwhelmed, You did mislead here. Maybe not intentionally, but you did. - musubi Jun 9, 11:37 2
- Isn't it cute that Moose replied sincerely? -- nm - David Jun 9, 11:38 1
  - I am cute. This is fact that can not be denied. (nm) - musubi Jun 9, 11:41
"yeah, um... That's just what people say to their side tang. Sorry you got it twisted." - TFox Jun 9, 11:36
"Sorry I didn't put much thought into being a homewrecker. My bad, yo." -- nm - Max Jun 9, 11:36 9
- He thought about it with his pee pee -- nm - con_carne Jun 9, 11:44 2
  - Look, cheater sex is hot. She knew the deal. -- nm - David Jun 9, 11:45 1
    - "Here's the deal. I'll gladly divorce her Tuesday for your pink taco today." -- nm - Max Jun 9, 11:50
- *ding* though I do think it's kind of grownup to admit that "not this" is what he wanted rather than "that." -- nm - amanda jones Jun 9, 11:41 3
  - though still not as grownup as getting the divorce *first* -- nm - Max Jun 9, 11:46 1
    - Yup, Kim and I required a lot of discipline to do this, but it's how grown-ups behave. -- nm - David Jun 9, 11:48
  - Better than not knowing. But he's still a d-bag for trying to avoid admitting it. (nm) - musubi Jun 9, 11:43
- Yup. -- nm - JaxSean Jun 9, 11:39
- "But we can still hook up now and then, right?" -- nm - Max Jun 9, 11:38
[deleted]
Yikes. -- nm - David Jun 9, 11:36
Go to roughneck bar. Pick fight with toughest guy there. - Will Hunting Jun 9, 11:36 1
- 500 fights! -- nm - Max Jun 9, 11:37
*whistles innocently.* -- nm - amanda jones Jun 9, 11:35
these people should all just kill themselves....nm - x Jun 9, 11:35 7
- [deleted]
- "ask hyde" would be a great advice column - moles Jun 9, 11:36 5
  - i'll call it: suicide *is* the answer....nm - x Jun 9, 11:39 4
    - But I was just asking for advice on hanging a chandelier! -- nm - Will Hunting Jun 9, 11:40 3
      - hang yourself, instead....nm - x Jun 9, 11:42 2
        
        dear hyde: i'm thinking about getting a cute widdle puppy. any breeds you can recommend? -- nm - moles Jun 9, 11:44 1
        
        the drowning kind, duh....nm - x Jun 9, 11:46

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thurs. hax chat q: he started an affair with a married woman. now he's divorced, happy being single. her hubby found out, kicked her to the curb

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