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friday hax chat q: she has a no-phones at the dinner table rule within her family. is it rude to extend that rule to dinner guests?

Posted by moles (aka chris) Jun 17 '11, 11:34

RUDE RELATIVES

Hey Carolyn, I have a hopefully pretty light question for you. In our home, we have a no phones at the dinner table rule. In larger dinners with more extended family, there is one relative who clearly has no problem with being on his phone through dinner (apparently our company is much less interesting than whatever is going on in facebook land). While it's their perogative to have all the cell phone use they want at their dinner table, my question is: can I enforce this rule with extended family when they are dinner guests at my house? Or is that rude to impose rules on guests. I really appreciate any insight, as they are coming for dinner tonight, and I'm expecting to see the top of his head all night as usual as he plays on his phone, unless you think it's ok to ask him to put away his phone while at my dinner table. I'm very tempted to ask him outright if we bore him so much that he can't even converse with us over dinner, and why he comes at all if he isn't interested in visiting, but I know that will be over-the-top rude and I definitely don't want to come off as high and mighty. Thanks Hax!!

Responses:

Let him be, he's the boring one. -- nm - Amy Jun 17, 11:51
Nope. That's a great rule. nm - Dignan Jun 17, 11:47
It's your house, your table, your rules. - Stephen Jun 17, 11:46 2
- do you reprimand guests for chewing with their mouth open? ;) -- nm - loosilu Jun 17, 11:46 1
  - Yes. - Stephen Jun 17, 11:48
I think it is okay to extend it to other dinner guests -- nm - Epiphany Jun 17, 11:41
Maybe she should try being less boring. -- nm - Ender Jun 17, 11:40
If you annouce it at the start, otherwise it puts them on the spot when it does ring, related, I HATE it when confronted with saying a prayer unexpect - zeitgeist Jun 17, 11:39 7
- I don't think it's about the phone ringing and them taking a call. -- nm - mara Jun 17, 11:41 1
  - oh, yeah, this is definitely texting/web surfing -- nm - Andie Jun 17, 11:43
- this is what i say, announce lightly at the very beginning of dinner 'we've made our dinner table a phone-free zone.' and leave it at that. - Andie Jun 17, 11:40
- I just sit quietly and wait. -- nm - loosilu Jun 17, 11:40 3
  - Loosi, as our guest at dinner tonight, YOU must say the blessing/grace (sits back smuggly) -- nm - zeitgeist Jun 17, 11:42 2
    - ugh, never had that happen. -- nm - loosilu Jun 17, 11:43
    - "no thanks" -- nm - moles Jun 17, 11:43
Send a text to him at dinner calling in the tab on all the free meals you've served him. -- nm - Max Jun 17, 11:39
Wow, that's tough. That was certainly the rule in our house growing up. But that's when there was one phone, on the wall, in the other room. - Dr.Vermin Jun 17, 11:39 3
- My interpretation of the letter isn't that he's talking on the phone but that he's using the web. -- nm - Ender Jun 17, 11:41
- a ringing phone is one thing. but just sitting there on facebook or whatever during dinner is rude. - sycor Jun 17, 11:40 1
  - especially when they are updating their status with a critique of the recipes and cooking skills -- nm - zeitgeist Jun 17, 11:49
No, I think it would be rude of her to try to impose the rule. -- nm - mara Jun 17, 11:36 1
- this. -- nm - loosilu Jun 17, 11:37
Are you in the mafia? -- nm - con_carne Jun 17, 11:36
it depends on the guests, actually. but extended family, i say 'yes, you can set the rules.' do it lightly, and say something before the phone comes - Andie Jun 17, 11:36
I'd do it. We had a no TV during dinner rule when I was a kid. I can see this being the same. -- nm - sycor Jun 17, 11:36
your house, your rules. -- nm - znufrii Jun 17, 11:35

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friday hax chat q: she has a no-phones at the dinner table rule within her family. is it rude to extend that rule to dinner guests?

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