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double bonus prude chat q: hubby carpools to work with an attractive female co-worker. then spends 90 mins parked in the car talking with her

Posted by moles (aka chris) Jul 18 '11, 12:04

HUSBAND'S CARPOOL WITH ATTRACTIVE FEMALE COLLEAGUE

Prudie - my husband drives 50 minutes each way for work. There is a female colleague who lives 5 minutes from us and they decided to carpool. He picks her up every day, they sit together alone in the car for an hour and half, and he drops her off afterwards. He's one of those men who are so kind to women that his actions are often misinterpreted, and it bothers me immensely that he and another woman are in a position to spend a significant portion of time with the potential to become close friends. Even I don't spend 1.5 hours a day talking to him leisurely and privately. I've told him it's inappropriate and it makes me feel uncomfortable. We've argued over this over several weeks and he insists I'm irrational and that it would be rude for him to suddenly stop driving her. Am I the unreasonable one here?

Responses:

I'm confused, does the one and a half hours (roughly) refer to the actual commute time, or is he sitting in the car for an additional hour and a half - Stephen Jul 18, 12:19 9
- I assumed during the commute. Who leaves for work an extra 90 minutes each day? -- nm - decline Jul 18, 12:24
- [deleted]
- i think it's the driving time. -- nm - Andie Jul 18, 12:21 3
  - That's what I thought as well, but the subject line seemed to indicate otherwise. -- nm - Stephen Jul 18, 12:23 2
    - that's pixie's mis-interpretation, the letter is pretty clear i think. -- nm - Andie Jul 18, 12:25 1
      - frickin' pixie! -- nm - kare Jul 18, 12:28
- Right. I don't think we can say for sure. -- nm - Inigo Jul 18, 12:20 2
  - We can, if we use our context clues. -- nm - TFox Jul 18, 12:21 1
    - But if we ask for more information, it might change everything. -- nm - Max Jul 18, 12:23
what's next? no female coworkers? -- nm - Andie Jul 18, 12:14
If my wife was honest with me about her worries, no matter how unfounded or irrational, I'd comply. - landbeck Jul 18, 12:13 3
- *ding* landbeck is smart -- nm - oblique Jul 18, 12:22
- you know, this is actually very, very sweet. -- nm - kare Jul 18, 12:15 1
  - agreed. -- nm - loosilu Jul 18, 12:16
" It's not that I'm insecure, it's just that your a WHORE!" - car pool dude's wife Jul 18, 12:11
threesome -- nm - decline Jul 18, 12:09
Yes, you are. - Will Hunting Jul 18, 12:07 1
- i've actually become pretty close with people i've carpooled with in the past. but you've gotta trust your SO. -- nm - kare Jul 18, 12:08
the way this reads to me is they spend "an hour and a half" driving (50 minutes to work and then 40 minutes return). That's the nature of HOV driving -- nm - Max Jul 18, 12:07 1
- 2) If you want the time, make the time. 3) Maybe it's good he's being distracted from otherwise thinking about your whining. -- nm - Max Jul 18, 12:11
i think the 1.5 hours is the amount of time spent commuting. and yes she's being unreasonable and pathetic - kare Jul 18, 12:06 5
- I think her real issue is that she doesn't feel she's getting enough quality time with the hubby, not that he's driving some bimbo to work. -- nm - znufrii Jul 18, 12:18 3
  - can't it be both? -- nm - colin Jul 18, 12:19 2
    - could be, but the way its written strikes me as her not knowing how to address the former, so she projects that as jealousy onto the latter situation. -- nm - znufrii Jul 18, 12:21 1
      - because she hasn't really provided enough justifcation for it otherwise. -- nm - znufrii Jul 18, 12:25
- this -- nm - Beaker Jul 18, 12:07
if she has any reason not to trust him, she's right to say that he shouldn't carpool with her any more. - colin Jul 18, 12:06 11
- He's being irrational by riding to work with someone? - Will Hunting Jul 18, 12:10 10
  - he's being irrational by arguing with a woman! - colin Jul 18, 12:15 2
    - Just becuase you say something, doesn't mean it's legitimate. She doesn't feel connected to him, I can tell you that unless she - Will Hunting Jul 18, 12:24 1
      - no matter how irrational, you have to take it in to consideration. - colin Jul 18, 12:29
  - right. and if he's open to having an affair with someone, he'll put himself in a situation in which to develop one, whether it's a carpool or - kare Jul 18, 12:13 4
    - If she had something more...anything more than "They drive 50minutes each way and then he returns home", I might have a shred of compassion for her. - Will Hunting Jul 18, 12:14 3
      - i admit, i've become irrationally jealous in past relationships, but it was indicative of the relationship problems and also the fact that i was - kare Jul 18, 12:19
      - "Every time they pull in the driveway, she appears to be talking directly to his balls." -- nm - TFox Jul 18, 12:18 1
        
        See, much better reasoning! -- nm - Will Hunting Jul 18, 12:20
  - you can carpool...but only by yourself...or with dudes. NO GIRLS ALLOWED! -- nm - Beaker Jul 18, 12:11 1
    - And don't worry, that time you spend in the car is time I can hold against you, even though ti seems that I have no desire to actually spend time with - Will Hunting Jul 18, 12:13
(i think you're misreading the 90 minutes.) and no, not inappropriate, unless he's coming home late more frequently. -- nm - TFox Jul 18, 12:06 4
- Yeah. What's written in the subject line would be inappropriate but what is written inside is not. -- nm - Dano Jul 18, 12:11 2
  - sorry, i misread! -- nm - moles Jul 18, 12:11 1
    - you're misreading the whole situation! you're out of order! -- nm - Max Jul 18, 12:13
- "Are you sure about those five minutes?!" -- nm - the movie quote I made myself think of Jul 18, 12:06

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double bonus prude chat q: hubby carpools to work with an attractive female co-worker. then spends 90 mins parked in the car talking with her

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