Let me 'splain my brain. I am NOT looking for someone. I am ok alone. My brain then starts spinning up the what ifs...
I live my life in the now and looking forward to the various forks that MIGHT present themselves.
So if I am just cool being alone and being by myself and someone perfect falls into my lap I assume you dont turn your nose up at good fortune so then I start trying to make sure I am prepared to handle as many what ifs as possible.
This is YES very exhausting. Makes me good at my job and very tired as a person. The dr just upped my medication dose to see if we can short circut this....2 weeks I will know...or up another 50mg
So yes I may sound like I am searchin but it really is contingency planning....ugh