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ST Love Doctors: This is for a friend. No, really! (good morning!)

Posted by Hotkiss (aka hotkiss7348) Nov 3 '11, 06:57

My friend and a dude classmate were really close friends for about 2 years, being each other's support and confidants during their intense time in pharm school. She started crushing on him hardcore, but he always seemed to lead her on with comments like "I love you like the best sister in the world," and "You're amazing but I don't think it would ever work out, we're too similar :)"

They'd talk long hours into the night, spend days with each other, do date-y things like grocery shopping and movie nights. But he'd also disappear from her life for weeks at a time without notice, saying he's "going through some things" but never elaborate more. And he'd do things like go to a Giants game without her (even though they both love the Giants and always talked about going).

(They're both super religious so they've certainly not done anything physical.)

My friend realizes he's being a jerk (2 years later, with only lingering bits of hope), and stopped talking to him for about 2 months. At the end of the 2 months, she wrote him a 1-page letter explaining how she felt about their relationship: she really liked him, what's going on in his mind? Dude calls her back to say he understands how she feels and how she could see that he was leading her on. Also, they agreed to just be friends for now and see where life takes them, with him adding the final comment, "although, it'll be hard to just stay platonic now knowing these feelings."

A month later he's FB official with another girl. After saying forever that he "can't deal" with it.

Total dick, right?

Responses:

"It would ever work out" and "you're like a sister" isn't actually "leading her on". That's him rejecting her and her not getting it. -- nm - Ender Nov 3, 07:21 3
- ah point taken, ya'll are right. But it's hard not to "see the signs" when crushing like she was. -- nm - Hotkiss Nov 3, 07:24 1
  - now your job is to convince her not to try to fix it. - loosilu Nov 3, 07:26
- exactly, that is textbook "i don't have romantic feelings for you, sorry". -- nm - Andie Nov 3, 07:22
dick? No. he was never into her. -- nm - loosilu Nov 3, 07:09 2
- (Literally!) -- nm - nubby Nov 3, 07:12
- and also, aren't you always asking us why you can't just be friends with a guy wihtout him thinking it means more? -- nm - loosilu Nov 3, 07:12
i don't think so. they never crossed the line from friendship. she may have wanted more but he never encouraged it (in fact, he gave all the - Andie Nov 3, 07:05 7
- Although I believe they probably got to second base in "super-religious" relationship terms. -- nm - nubby Nov 3, 07:09 5
  - "in the butt doesn't count"?? -- nm - Don Homer Nov 3, 07:11
  - lingering eye contact? -- nm - Andie Nov 3, 07:10 3
    - Sitting next to each other at long church services? -- nm - loosilu Nov 3, 07:11 2
      - Baking each other a casserole? -- nm - Strongbad Nov 3, 07:13 1
        
        knitting each other prayer shawls? -- nm - loosilu Nov 3, 07:14
- Maybe she has a really odd relationship with her brother. - Will Hunting Nov 3, 07:05
How old are they? Early 20's? -- nm - Strongbad Nov 3, 07:04
Why can't a guy just want to be friends with a girl? - nubby Nov 3, 07:02 2
- word -- nm - Beaker Nov 3, 07:07
- *nods* -- nm - tRuMaN Nov 3, 07:04
I don't know if I'd say he's a 'total d!ck'. He only got away with what he was allowed to get away with. It should have been nipped in the bud - Diva Nov 3, 07:01 13
- doesn't it kinda sound like he was trying to nip it in the bud with his earlier comments? -- nm - loosilu Nov 3, 07:11 12
  - I think she should have nipped herself from him some if he wasn't able to reciprocate and she wasn't willing to just be friends with him. - Diva Nov 3, 07:27
  - Why would he spend so much time with a girl, knowing obviously that she liked him? He'd have to be really dense not to have noticed. -- nm - Hotkiss Nov 3, 07:16 10
    - Men are hunters. Let them hunt. - Strongbad Nov 3, 07:20 5
      - i don't think that's fair, she had every right to tell him her feelings, but he isn't obligated to recipricate. -- nm - Andie Nov 3, 07:21 4
        
        She had a right to, sure. IMO it was a mistake. -- nm - Strongbad Nov 3, 07:24 3
        
        but i don't think it would have made any difference, he wasn't into her, period. playing hard to get would have changed nothing. -- nm - Andie Nov 3, 07:26 1
        
        Yes, likely correct in this case. -- nm - Strongbad Nov 3, 07:28
        
        actually, I agree. he certainly already knew. -- nm - loosilu Nov 3, 07:26
    - A) Men are oblivious. B) He liked her as a friend, just like he said. -- nm - Will Hunting Nov 3, 07:19 1
      - oh he knew. that's obvious from his comments. -- nm - loosilu Nov 3, 07:22
    - he liked her as a friend. just like he said. -- nm - Andie Nov 3, 07:16
    - haven't you done exactly this with guy friends? -- nm - loosilu Nov 3, 07:16

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ST Love Doctors: This is for a friend. No, really! (good morning!)

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