LIR: JenBro.. long post...
Posted by
colin (aka colinski)
Nov 28 '11, 08:29
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i've been against gift getting for about 10 years now.. i have a job, and anything i really want, i just buy because it's probably outside of a reasonable gift request anyway (i'd like a $4500 wireless mic set for christmas plz!). anything i get is just more stuff i didn't really want or need. i appreciate gifts, but it really ends up being a waste of money on the giver's part. sounds mean, but it's the truth.
my wife added to that with her mentality of also having a job, not needing anything, etc. on top of that we're trying to get rid of all of our belongings to the point we can fit in tiny quarters. we get rid of things constantly and plan purchases very carefully, even for small things like a kitchen supplies or clothes.
so that is our reasoning on receiving gifts...
almost 3 years ago, after we let our families know no presents given or received, they said okay, but my side of the family didn't buy in to it. we met up with family in boston for new years after we told them that fall and got ambushed with "christmas." we were given gifts, everyone else exchanged gifts, and we felt kind of betrayed and awkward. my mom insisted that this would happen every time we tried to skip christmas.
the next year, we just didn't go anywhere near family at christmas or for months after. my mom insisted she had presents for us, but we never saw anything. we were going to send anything back anyway. it felt mean, but whatever.
after visiting us a few times, my parents finally got what we were trying to do... get rid of everything. they realized giving us stuff was not helping us with our goals and have since adopted this idea as their own.. no gifts, just family dinner and hanging out. nice.
on the giving side, we have the mentality that christmas is for kids. once our siblings start having kids, presents a-plenty for them. adults, no presents. we're all so spread out that traveling costs a lot of money just to be there in person. expecting a present on top of that seems selfish.
this isn't a popular view, but you just have to stick by it. i'm sure lots of people think we hate christmas and are sticks in the mud, but that's just a decision we've made.
stick by your guns if you actually want to do this. it'll take a while, but it'll be respected and the message will be received when someone gets the refund money back in the mail with a thank you card.
the other policy we have on gifts is that if we see something someone would like - a book, necklace, shirt - something we would give for christmas, we just buy it and give it. we don't think waiting for an occasion matters.
my family is very traditional on holidays - cards/gifts for mother/father day, cake and presents on birthdays, food and presents on christmas. i appreciate that, but we are trying to live differently. every time i hear people talking about the financial burden of christmas, it reinforces our decision.
good luck! it's not easy, but you can do it :)
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