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Ok this is a Cappy Question....if these bother you DONT look (not an overshare tho)...

Posted by Capstern Dec 28 '11, 13:40

I really mean this question in all seriousness. I think my world and relationship views are wonky and finding this out more and more since the divorce.

I always believed that if you were dating exclusively you were generally BF and GF and you only agreed to that if you were in love with someone.

I have been since informed that most adult people date and call BF GF to explore a relationship and FIND OUT if they are or can love each other.

That my view is left over from being 16 or so and that adults do it this dating BF/GF way and you are BF GF for a while and if it doesnt work you break up. If it does you date for a while and then profess feelings LATER and just see where it goes.

Now to some of you this might sound like a stupid question, but well I am starting to really understand how adults interact in a relationship (and that word not necessitating marriage) and well it is just very foreign to me...honestly.

I always believed you met, fell in love (crazy madly) and then were BF GF then married and I guess well that part of me never grew up til now

Responses:

truthfully, most people don't fall in love that easily. most people know they want to seriously explore the possibility with - Andie Dec 28, 13:45 1
- Well what you say in last paragraph - Capstern Dec 28, 13:47
You're just as right as anyone, but it someone you're interested in is telling you that, then they are trying to tell you something without saying it - the liioulu with Dec 28, 13:44 15
- I swear, none of these posts are in English. nm -- nm - groiny Dec 28, 13:45 14
  - English translation - he wants to be exclusive and whoever he's interested in doesn't want to be. -- nm - the liioulu with Dec 28, 13:46 13
    - And to clarify - I have not asked anyone since my marriage to be exclusive...I have been doing the - Capstern Dec 28, 13:50 2
      - Freedom, just like an Chase card -- nm - budice Dec 28, 13:51 1
        
        Finally at 41 I figured out thats good and not bad...heh -- nm - Capstern Dec 28, 13:53
    - Not at all. It was something someone said to me that I just had never considered - Capstern Dec 28, 13:48 9
      - OFFS. - Andie Dec 28, 13:49 8
        
        You know I agree with you and I get an OFFS - Capstern Dec 28, 13:52 7
        
        the fact that you still spend so much time trying to figure out how 'other people do it', is the issue. if you stopped spending so much - Andie Dec 28, 13:54 5
        
        I DO understand this. But we are decended from monkeys and we model activites of others... - Capstern Dec 28, 13:59 2
        
        honestly, we all learned from experience. you have been through 3 courtships that lead to marriage. if that didn't teach you, i'm not sure we can. - Andie Dec 28, 14:01 1
        
        well I own that I repeated the same basic mistake 3x but will NOT be a r-tard again -- nm - Capstern Dec 28, 14:05
        
        nah...I get it... - znufrii Dec 28, 13:58 1
        
        I would say this has validity... - Capstern Dec 28, 14:04
        
        breathe. - znufrii Dec 28, 13:53
my honest advice - znufrii Dec 28, 13:42 9
- I have a new term he needs to learn..... - groiny Dec 28, 13:43 1
  - OK yeah that didnt go well either. Quit seeing her and she left a bag of xmas gifts on my porch unannounced -- nm - Capstern Dec 28, 14:00
- I think that was where I was going and what I have really - Capstern Dec 28, 13:43 6
  - you're learning, that's good. run with that. :) -- nm - znufrii Dec 28, 13:49
  - labels never work. there are always grey areas. -- nm - Andie Dec 28, 13:45 4
    - well, for a given value of "work", they do, but they are shortcuts, and never reflect the full picture. -- nm - znufrii Dec 28, 13:46 3
      - oh, sure, but i mean, if you are trying to live your life by adhering to them - so exhausting. -- nm - Andie Dec 28, 13:47
      - what would it take for me to beat that phrase out of your vocabulary? -- nm - TFox, Vamp Champ Dec 28, 13:47 1
        
        :P -- nm - znufrii Dec 28, 13:48
I am not sure I follow anything in that hulking mess of a post. nm -- nm - groiny Dec 28, 13:42 14
- abridged version... - znufrii Dec 28, 13:43 13
  - you did get your decoder ring for xmas :) -- nm - Capstern Dec 28, 13:44
  - once you hit 30, BF / GF should not apply. nm -- nm - groiny Dec 28, 13:44 11
    - while i don't disagree, the terminology is used for lack of a better alternative. - Andie Dec 28, 13:47 1
      - "heterosexual life partner" -- nm - TFox, Vamp Champ Dec 28, 13:47
    - ok so what do you call being with just one person and not dating others at 30+ - just curious and if you say - Capstern Dec 28, 13:45 8
      - You're dating. "The girl I'm seeing"/"the guy I'm seeing" -- nm - TWuG Dec 28, 13:46 5
        
        it's not complicated. -- nm - Andie Dec 28, 13:50 4
        
        I appears to be for poor Cap. I think you're right and that he's confusing attraction with love. -- nm - TWuG Dec 28, 13:54 1
        
        I dont disagree with this. I had a fantasitcal view and bielef how this was supposed to work... - Capstern Dec 28, 13:56
        
        until you're divorced and start having an affair with your married ex husband while courting another divorcee. then, you know... -- nm - Max Dec 28, 13:52 1
        
        and then decide to have an open relationship with everyone involved. -- nm - znufrii Dec 28, 13:52
      - I call them by their name. nm -- nm - groiny Dec 28, 13:46 1
        
        "gimp" -- nm - Max Dec 28, 13:49

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Ok this is a Cappy Question....if these bother you DONT look (not an overshare tho)...

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