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boston.com Love Letters - Strip Club Problem(s)

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Feb 7 '12, 06:36

My fiancé of 3+ years is planning a vacation with his buddies/co-workers to Atlantic City. I asked if I could come along, since we had been talking about planning a similar trip. When he said it was an all-guys trip, I brushed it off until he mentioned that a woman, who happens to be a lesbian, is also attending. This raised a flag to me because I instinctively know what this means: strip clubs. When I asked why she was allowed to go, his response was, "Well, she's not gonna mind if I have [ice cream cones] in my face."

Keep in mind that his friends either have been married for a while or are single. Now I know that it is in every man's DNA to want to see a naked woman, but I can't help but be bothered by this. I am not sure if it's because we were trying to plan a trip like this for the two of us and now he's decided to go with his male friends, or if I'm just bothered that his sole purpose for going is for a strip club.

Regardless, I am bothered by the fact that his whole weekend will be spent blowing money at strip clubs -- money that we're trying desperately to save for a house and a wedding. I never thought of myself as a jealous person, but now that I am faced with this issue, I am beginning to think that's exactly what I am.

It's not that I think he's going to cheat, but cheating for a male means different things than for a female. If I knew that he was [looking at ice cream cones] and was very [close to sampling ice cream cones], I would be extremely upset. The counter-argument I brought up was, "If you found out I had my hands or face in some guy's [ice cream cones], you would be upset too."

Knowing that men go to strip clubs to see beautifully-sculpted naked women (and pay them to be their eye candy) makes me resentful that he isn't satisfied with what he has at home. I will give myself credit and say that I am a stunning young woman, who could stand to lose a few pounds, but nevertheless I am very good-looking and like to make my man happy.

Is this irrational? Am I crazy to get so upset by this, and do I just have to let it go? Or do I have a right to voice my concerns without seeming like a nagging girlfriend who can't let her man go to a strip club for a weekend. I know that telling/asking him not to go will only make him resentful and want to do it even more in the long run, but I won't be able to sleep the whole weekend he's gone, and I probably won't be able to get bad thoughts out of my head. I also probably wouldn't be able to look at or touch him knowing where he's been.

I just need some guidance from some rational men and women, in healthy, long-term relationships who have faced similar situations. Why do men feel the need to touch and look at other women, when they have their own beautiful women at home?! Who they don't have to pay...

� ConfusedAboutMen, Medford

Diva Sez - I think the guy in the relationship wrote this letter.

Responses:

Wait, am I readin it wrong or does she say that bringing a lesbian means going to strip clubs - decline Feb 7, 07:00 1
- It's guys weekend other than the one woman who'll enjoy the group activity of looking at naked women. - Will Hunting Feb 7, 07:04
She seems to be worried about nothing imo. That being said, he never should have mentioned it. -- nm - CQ: Giving Love To All Feb 7, 06:59 1
- [deleted]
Her basic concerns might be valid.....but this letter is written to 11. - Will Hunting Feb 7, 06:49 6
- and 3 1/2 years is a long time to be engaged... -- nm - Diva Feb 7, 06:50 5
  - well, how the hell do you expect him to pay for a wedding when he's blowing all his money at strip clubs? -- nm - decline Feb 7, 06:56 1
    - "I'm sorry honey, but we only have $5k in our stripper fund and I've always dreamed of having two dozen, full service strippers at my bachelor party" -- nm - Beaker Feb 7, 06:58
  - and certainly a long time to have such issues with your man going to a strip club. -- nm - Jovian Feb 7, 06:55 2
    - yeah. it's silly -- nm - CQ: Giving Love To All Feb 7, 06:59 1
      - there seems to be a lot more going on here than her aversion to him going to strip clubs (as others have noted). -- nm - Diva Feb 7, 07:02
"I just need some guidance from some rational men and women" ConfusedAboutMen? you need to chill the f out. - Jovian Feb 7, 06:42
are the [ice cream cones] the original writer's or Meredith's? -- nm - encyclopedia pixie Feb 7, 06:40 3
- the latter, I assume. -- nm - Don Homer Feb 7, 06:54 2
  - i thought she might have had some weird creepy aversion to writing out "titties" -- nm - encyclopedia pixie Feb 7, 06:55 1
    - the proper terminology is bazongas pixie. -- nm - Beaker Feb 7, 06:56
A) I don't think men in relationships have a God-given right to be allowed in strip clubs; it should be a team call. - TFox Feb 7, 06:39 10
- oh, and d: there's no way they're spending *the whole trip* in strip clubs. none. - TFox Feb 7, 06:47 4
  - I'm sure they'll spend plenty of time blowing money in casinos as well. -- nm - znufrii Feb 7, 06:49 1
    - that's not how you lose money, znu; that's how you *make* money. - TFox Feb 7, 06:52
  - Exactly. She's got some weird idea in her head ans is obsessing -- nm - Bacon via droid Feb 7, 06:49 1
    - yup -- nm - Beaker Feb 7, 06:54
- yeah, and you're right. except for "my boobs are fee and he wants to pay for other boobs." - the amanda nones Feb 7, 06:41 3
  - let's say he found the one pro-bono strip club on Earth, where instead of dollar bills you just shower the girls in compliments. she's still pissed. -- nm - TFox Feb 7, 06:43 2
    - oh word. "I'm using money as an excuse to be pissed at you for thinking I'm not hot." -- nm - the amanda nones Feb 7, 06:46 1
      - the amusing part is, generally, i think dudes would be way, *way* more insecure about their gals cavorting with strippers. - TFox Feb 7, 06:49
- d) don't ask to gon on all-male trips and he won't have to tell you he's going to strip clubs with the guys -- nm - Beaker Feb 7, 06:41
why can't you just enjoy looking at [ice cream cones] with him, you insufferable prude? -- nm - znufrii Feb 7, 06:39
I am a stunning young woman, who could stand to lose a few pounds and I am very modest to boot! -- nm - the amanda nones Feb 7, 06:38
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boston.com Love Letters - Strip Club Problem(s)

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