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On the daughters - I was always told when dating a single mom to respect the kids and so

Posted by Capstern Feb 9 '12, 12:01

in B2 was just saying something little and nice would show respect but its hard in that they are 17, 15 and 9 - thats all over the place.

But thanks for the ideas. For once I am trying to just not be over the top

Responses:

Yep cause the kids come part of the package - eag Feb 9, 12:03 1
- I have my ex step daughter from first marriage is now 22...I never thought I wuold date someone with kids - Capstern Feb 9, 12:06
at two months I don't think I'd want to meet the kids. -- nm - the amanda nones Feb 9, 12:03 43
- It's not the sort of thing you can ever be really "ready" for. It happens when it happens, because that's life. -- nm - con_carne Feb 9, 12:12 19
  - Its the kind of thing that probably the sooner the better - eag Feb 9, 12:16 10
    - but, what if you aren't around in two months? you realize it's bad for kids to meet casual date after casual date and have them end in a few months, - Andie Feb 9, 12:18 8
      - Its on a case by case basis - eag Feb 9, 12:22 5
        
        not casual -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:23 4
        
        how can you know anything after two months?? -- nm - the amanda nones Feb 9, 12:26 3
        
        Really you need more than 2 months to tell if someone is - Capstern Feb 9, 12:30
        
        mary, look at who you are talking to. - Spawn - The Blood Feud God Feb 9, 12:27 1
        
        I find it funny that based on just one of my ex wives you think you know how fast or slow I go - Capstern Feb 9, 12:32
      - yah, most people I know wait to see how things are going, to protect the kids. -- nm - b. Feb 9, 12:22 1
        
        I agree thats why I said its on a case by case situation -- nm - eag Feb 9, 12:27
    - there is that. I think it kind of depends on the maturity and intelligence of the kids - Capstern Feb 9, 12:17
  - ding. -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:12 7
    - Buying them crap after 2 months does not "just happen". -- nm - Spawn - The Blood Feud God Feb 9, 12:15 6
      - if you've already had regular contact with them for some time, maybe not? (again, something small/within reason, and I'd add with permission of mom.) - b. Feb 9, 12:24 3
        
        she does. from first meeting it was made clear they come first and I respect and appreciate that a lot -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:26 2
        
        please note: my comments were for general purposes and not specifically towards you. -- nm - b. Feb 9, 12:29 1
        
        I wouldnt date her if she wasnt. Heck I was avoiding people with kids. But damn shes pretty awesome -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:32
      - *ding* -- nm - the amanda nones Feb 9, 12:16
      - Was referring t meeting them -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:15
- With my gf, it was hard not to meet them early on because they are so little. - decline Feb 9, 12:08 1
  - i get your IM. - Andie Feb 9, 12:22
- I didnt mind. They are freaking smart - its kind of intimidating - remind me of my daughter a lot -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:05 14
  - 1) you don't have a daughter. 2) I'm not talking about whether or not *you* mind. I'm talking about the untested staying power of the relationship. - the amanda nones Feb 9, 12:09 13
    - 1) Yes I do. I raised her from 2 to 8 everyday and been there for her for 20 years...and if you are - Capstern Feb 9, 12:12
    - yeah, it's not about the dater, it's about the kids. -- nm - Andie Feb 9, 12:10 11
      - The middle one invited me to her gymnastics meet and cheer competition - was nice of her -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:13 10
        
        but it doesn't matter. "is it appropriate for me to go?" -- nm - the amanda nones Feb 9, 12:14 9
        
        havent decided. Going to ask mom. -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:15 8
        
        Their point is, there is nothing to decide, the answer is no. -- nm - TFox Feb 9, 12:16 6
        
        The fact that he is going to ask the mom really makes it look like he is just doing whatever he can to be in there. -- nm - Spawn - The Blood Feud God Feb 9, 12:18 5
        
        Thats an assuption on your part. Shes a really smart great mom and I expect her to say no. But I am trying to let HER define the boundaries -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:22 4
        
        I said, "makes it look like". Which is what it does. Even your message above does the same. - Spawn - The Blood Feud God Feb 9, 12:24
        
        since raising her own kids fo 17 years she probably knows whats good fo them better than I -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:24 2
        
        Way to put the burden on her. -- nm - Spawn - The Blood Feud God Feb 9, 12:26 1
        
        I was told "They are my kids I love them and if you ever arent sure whats ok ASK ME" so I do -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:28
        
        *sigh* -- nm - Spawn - The Blood Feud God Feb 9, 12:15
- Unless you are using them to get to the mom. Which is just as uncool. -- nm - Spawn - The Blood Feud God Feb 9, 12:04 5
  - I have my issues but even all of you know I am not THAT big a douche -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:05 4
    - I just think it is the *worst* thing you can do to your kids, to let whoever you happen to be dating cozy up to them. -- nm - Spawn - The Blood Feud God Feb 9, 12:06 3
      - my point. and two months isn't long enough (even close to long enough) to have someone around frequently. -- nm - the amanda nones Feb 9, 12:09 1
        
        I tend to think each situation is different depending on the people involved and the kids themselves -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:14
      - Agreed -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:07
chocolate. -- nm - marcel Feb 9, 12:03 4
- That might be perfect. Simple and not weird -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:03 1
  - not sure if this is weird, but it might qualify as different - Pocky. They sell it at Walmart. -- (link) - Sultana of Swing Feb 9, 12:08 [Image]
- and don't try TOO hard. teenagers will disdain you. -- nm - Andie Feb 9, 12:03 1
  - No that I know. The 17 yo interrogated me the first night I met her. I swear she was psyop trained -- nm - Capstern Feb 9, 12:04

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On the daughters - I was always told when dating a single mom to respect the kids and so

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