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boston.com Love Letters: Are We Still Getting Married?

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Apr 4 '12, 07:36

Hi Meredith,

I am in a world of confusion and not quite sure where to go from here. My girlfriend and I met in college. We hit it off immediately and had a great, loving, and passionate relationship. She is from another state and I'm from Massachusetts. At the time of graduation, I offered to look for jobs in her home state so that she could return to her family's farm. It was my No. 1 priority to stay with the woman I love. She expressed no interest in returning down there, saying that she wanted to stay in Massachusetts. All of her friends were here and staying together was important to us. She also said that she wanted to get married. I agreed; we loved each other so much it was the best plan for us. I was thrilled and was lucky enough to find a great job in Boston. I bought us a house and eventually proposed to her about a year after graduation. This is when the problems stated.

After the initial excitement of getting engaged and we started to settle down and make wedding plans, I noticed some problems. She was burning through jobs. It ended up being nearly 4 in a 5 month stretch. She's also become very paranoid. I constantly find her going through my phone, email, and bills. When I catch her, she usually makes a joke. She stopped making wedding plans and her attitude changed to "we will figure it out as we go."

Then things came to a head. Two days after she asked a family member of mine to be a bridesmaid, she said she was leaving and moving home for a while to help with the farm. After being gone for six years, I was a little taken aback but I understood and I ended up visiting her just about every weekend. She promised that she would eventually come home but didn't. My visits started to turn worse, she began to ignore me and make plans with other people. After a recent visit, I got a text message saying we should postpone the wedding. I was devastated and horribly confused.

I have tried talking with her, her response is usually "I don't want to talk about this," then she either hangs up or changes the subject. I've been advised by some not force discussion. I really don't know where to go from here. I love this woman, but I am very hurt. I planned my life around her and she just turns on me in such a short time. All of my friends and family said that she was constantly discussing wedding plans with them. Where did this come from? Is this worth fighting for or should I accept this is the end of the road and cut ties? I am really hoping for some advice on this!

� Where to go, Brookline

Responses:

I find it off that he titled it "Are we still getting married" when it' -- nm - Inigo Apr 4, 07:58 1
- SFEK - ...when it's obvious they're not even a couple. -- nm - Inigo Apr 4, 08:00
time to find a new girlfriend -- nm - CQ: Middle Reliever Apr 4, 07:49
This dude couldn't get water out of a boot even with instructions on the heel. - TWuG Apr 4, 07:46
i actually think she's going through some sort of mental episode. it sounds stranger than 'cold feet.' -- nm - Andie Apr 4, 07:46 2
- My sister! -- nm - ty97 Apr 4, 07:47 1
  - heh. -- nm - Andie Apr 4, 07:48
"The Six Year Engagement" sounds like a good sequel...get on it, Jason Segal! -- nm - kelly Apr 4, 07:45 1
- hi mommy. :) -- nm - Diva Apr 4, 07:54
Gosh I really want more details here, but I see a few possibilities. - ty97 Apr 4, 07:42 7
- insightful ty is insightful. -- nm - znufrii Apr 4, 07:47
- I agree on #2. Something set her spidey sense off. -- nm - Inigo Apr 4, 07:45 4
  - My guess is that she's just bored with him. He's clingy. -- nm - loosilu Apr 4, 07:47 2
    - When you're bored, you don't snoop through your boyfriend's phone. - Inigo Apr 4, 07:49 1
      - true, forgot that. yeah, something is up. -- nm - loosilu Apr 4, 07:49
  - this is my impression as well. nm -- nm - groiny Apr 4, 07:46
- I agree with all of your IM -- nm - Epiphany Apr 4, 07:45
Congratulations, you just saved a bunch of $$$ that you would've spent on a wedding + reception. -- nm - Strongbad Apr 4, 07:40 1
- and her credit card debt. -- nm - loosilu Apr 4, 07:41
Walk away. She's already done so. -- nm - Will Hunting Apr 4, 07:40
She's living her life like they're broken up, He needs to do the same. -- nm - Inigo Apr 4, 07:40
dude, you've been dumped and don't even realize it. - decline Apr 4, 07:40 8
- I fully agree. so wtf is this chick doing still planning the party? (not asking decline specifically, just...you know?) -- nm - Diva Apr 4, 07:41 7
  - She's passive and non-confrontational? -- nm - Strongbad Apr 4, 07:43 2
    - This. -- nm - decline Apr 4, 07:43 1
      - so she's pushing him to do the breaking up of them. i recognize this. -- nm - Diva Apr 4, 07:49
  - This guy doesn't realize it, but she's getting hitched to someone else. -- nm - Will Hunting Apr 4, 07:43 2
    - I don't know about that, but she's banging someone else for sure. -- nm - loosilu Apr 4, 07:43 1
      - *scared* -- nm - Cows on the Farm si Apr 4, 08:20
  - going through the motions. scared to call it off. -- nm - loosilu Apr 4, 07:42
Doorman. - znufrii Apr 4, 07:38
just be glad you didn't marry her and I hope her name isn't on the house -- nm - Beaker Apr 4, 07:38
girl wants out. -- nm - loosilu Apr 4, 07:38
well, cousin, it is time to take you back to the city!!!! nm -- nm - groiny Apr 4, 07:38
no - pixitude Apr 4, 07:38 2
- this poor guy doesn't know whether he's coming or going. -- nm - Diva Apr 4, 07:38 1
  - going. -- nm - loosilu Apr 4, 07:39

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boston.com Love Letters: Are We Still Getting Married?

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