ST Alpha - "So an update Part 1" (Reading a Post)

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So an update Part 1

Posted by sycor Apr 10 '12, 11:37

So I was looking at my wife's phone the other day, not snooping, we've been having trouble for a little while with texts to/from each other and other people not being received. (I posted about this a month or so ago.) So I was looking to see if something I had sent her was received. She had left a conversation up with her best friend. She was saying that she was going to look at apartments with me. Her friend basically asked why, the wife says she wants to help me and make sure I find a place and I don't get screwed after she moves etc, etc and that she would feel guilty if I ended up on the street. Her friend basically said "You are getting divorced, you don't need to feel guilty if he can't find a place because he waited to start looking."

The key part was that she said "You are getting divorced". Needless to say I was a little floored because we're supposed to be working on things still. So, I didn't confront her about it, but I brought up the separation to give her the opportunity. She didn't take it. All she said was that while there has been a lot of improvement, there needs to be more and if there isn't, it's over. Which is fair. But, that text, it seems like its already done and she just doesn't want to say it until after we move.

Responses:

Right or wrong, many people (especially one that is married) look at any sort of separation as the road to divorce. Fuck that. Prove her wrong. -- nm - Iron Spawn: T minus 4 days Apr 10, 11:56 4
- thanks. :) -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 12:00 2
  - you're good people, dude. anyone who goes out of their way to help my family when dealing with all this stuff is aces in my book. - TFox Apr 10, 12:06 1
    - Thanks. That means more than you know. Going through this may temporarily destroy me, but I believe I'll come through okay. -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 12:08
- [like] -- nm - Dr.Vermin Apr 10, 11:59
I figure out last night, while drinking at the house by myself (she was working) that what bothered me the most was that my wife didn't correct her or - sycor Apr 10, 11:55 8
- Grey Goose and Dr. Pepper is amazing by the way. :) -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 11:59 6
  - your ideas intrigue me, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. -- nm - znufrii Apr 10, 12:02 5
    - just remember to eat first. I didn't. That part was bad. lol -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 12:03 4
      - oof. - znufrii Apr 10, 12:04 3
        
        I appreciate it. -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 12:05 2
        
        also... - znufrii Apr 10, 12:06 1
        
        Never been big on whiskey. Mostly rum and vodka. But I will do a whiskey occasionally. I may take you up on it though. :) -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 12:10
- I understand why your wife not correcting that statement really hurts. - Inigo Apr 10, 11:59
:( sorry -- nm - JenBro Apr 10, 11:54
ouch, that hurts. best of luck to you in an awful situation -- nm - CQ: Dead Tired Apr 10, 11:52
That does suck so much to read that. I'm sorry. - Inigo Apr 10, 11:46
her friend may be using her own choice of words, that doesn't mean your wife is there yet. -- nm - Andie Apr 10, 11:46 7
- [deleted] 6
  - yeah we agreed to a seperation a while back. You were gone for that I think. -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 11:50
  - IIRC, aren't they both moving because they are giving up the house? -- nm - ty97 Apr 10, 11:49 3
    - [deleted] 2
      - right. she has found a place. I'm still looking. We have about a month before we want to move. -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 11:58 1
        
        [deleted]
  - I'm guessing they've agreed to a trial separation and the apartment hunting is part of that. -- nm - Roger More Apr 10, 11:49
FWIW, her friend could be pushing an agenda that your wife hasn't signed off on quite yet. -- nm - David Apr 10, 11:44
ugh. - znufrii Apr 10, 11:43
ugh. that's just an awful awful gut punch. -- nm - Mel Profit Apr 10, 11:42
That word could be the friend's interpretation (and/or wish) and may not represent your wife's feelings. - ty97 Apr 10, 11:39 11
- Yes, not trying to give false hopes, but I really think you should talk to her about it - Guigue Apr 10, 11:42 6
  - How? How do I bring it up without it starting the "Why are you looking at my phone?!" argument? -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 11:44 5
    - I wouldn't bring it up directly, but if you haven't had a discussion about what each of you wants out of the separation, you probably should. - Roger More Apr 10, 12:05
    - Just skip that aspect. Suggestion: ask your wife out on a date. - David Apr 10, 11:49 1
      - I agree with this. -- nm - Inigo Apr 10, 11:49
    - The thing is, if you really feel like it's over after reading that text message, the fact that she'd think you were snooping is kind of - Guigue Apr 10, 11:46 1
      - good point -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 11:51
- yeah I thought about this. And this could be it completely. I just don't know. - sycor Apr 10, 11:41 1
  - Without knowing all the issues that you're already working on... - Dr.Vermin Apr 10, 11:52
- I agree with this -- nm - volnelk Apr 10, 11:40 1
  - ditto -- nm - Beaker Apr 10, 11:40
Sorry to hear this...But curious, why are you moving out, not her? -- nm - amoxy Apr 10, 11:39
Part 2 - sycor Apr 10, 11:39 4
- Yeah, don't take the friend's casual remark as definitive. - Dr.Vermin Apr 10, 11:44 3
  - [deleted] 1
    - Huh. That took an odd turn. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Apr 10, 11:47
  - no she's happily married. But, she's my wife's best friend and the one she vents to. So, Im sure there are lots of negative view points as a result. -- nm - sycor Apr 10, 11:45
that's a blower, to learn about it like that especially. so sorry man. -- nm - TFox Apr 10, 11:39
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So an update Part 1

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