boston.com Love Letters: Do I Need A Ring to Make Me Happy?
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Apr 13 '12, 12:37
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Dear Meredith,
I am a successful, never-been-married woman in her late 30s who has been in a wonderful relationship with a divorced man in his late 40s for about 18 months. By all accounts, this has been the most fulfilling relationship I have ever been in on many levels. He is a funny, loving, smart, and generous man who is also a standout father to his three (now older) children from his previous marriage. His children have grown up to be smart and polite human beings who also treat me with great respect and for whom I have grown to care deeply.
So where does my problem lie? Well my boyfriend made it clear initially that he never wants to get married again. He had a terrible first marriage and his parents also had difficulties in theirs. He has also has seen the marriage of many of his friends end in bitter divorce, whereas I was raised with parents who have been blissfully married for 50+ years and I have many friends in (seemingly) happy marriages. Of course I thought that I could change his mind over time, but I am beginning to realize I was naive in thinking so. Over the years my perception of the importance of marriage has diminished to some degree, and I truly believe my boyfriend and I could have a great long term relationship for many years to come. That being said, I almost feel like I am selling myself short in this deal as I have been nothing but a wonderful girlfriend and often ask myself why I need to pay the price now for his ex-wife's terrible behavior?
By stating he will never again remarry, I take it as a personal insult that I myself am not good enough to marry, which I know is not the case. My dilemma now is whether to stay in this (almost) totally fulfilling relationship and just try to come to peace with the fact that it won't end in marriage, or do I cut my losses and hope to find something half as fulfilling with someone I might not care as deeply about, but who is at least willing to show long-term commitment to me? I am hoping your readers who are married can shed some light on the big question here: "Is marriage totally overrated and should I just be happy with what I have got?"
� Do I need a ring to make me happy, Cambridge
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Responses:
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she does not need a ring to make her happy - if she's in her late 30's, she knows how hard it is to find a great guy
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Epiphany
Apr 13, 12:44
7
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yup
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znufrii
Apr 13, 12:46
6
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No. -- nm
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lileve
Apr 13, 12:42
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Great, now I got a Beyonce earworm -- nm
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amoxy
Apr 13, 12:40
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I really think Hyde is on to something with his relationship. -- nm
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David
Apr 13, 12:39
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jet to vegas, slip him a roofie, get married, problem solved
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tRuMaN, (a possibility of possibles)
Apr 13, 12:39
1
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How can anyone answer that buy yourself, also ... "Of course I thought that I could change his mind over time" -- nm
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zork
Apr 13, 12:38
3
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a) no, you don't really need a ring if you're happy, but b) it's been a whopping 18 months. -- nm
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TFox
Apr 13, 12:38
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offs
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znufrii
Apr 13, 12:38
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i don't know, do you? -- nm
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Andie
Apr 13, 12:37
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