dear prudence chat q: spouse convinced them to not do med school, but they're still graduating with a health care PhD and 100k in debt.
Posted by
pixitude (aka chris)
Apr 16 '12, 11:03
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WISHING I HAD DONE IT ALL DIFFERENTLY
I am a professional about to finish up a doctorate degree in a high-paying healthcare field. This has come at a fairly large financial cost (over 100K in loans) and great personal burden for both me and my partner, with whom I have been involved for 8 years. She has supported the household alone for the past 3 years as I studied, and we have always planned to have children and for her to stay home once I completed my degree. I'm 30 and she is 32, and her biological clock has been loudly ticking since we got together. The thing is, it has become starkly clear to me that I chose the wrong field. I have always wanted to be a medical doctor, but my spouse discouraged that dream on the basis that it would take too long, and I foolishly allowed myself to be discouraged. Over the past year of professional externships in healthcare settings, I have a hard time imagining that I will never get to be a physician. I have excelled in my current schooling and would be in a good position to be accepted to medical school. We have talked about my dream to go to medical school, and she has said that maybe in 10 years or so, after our (planned) kids are bigger, I could go. I worry about taking that tactic though, because you really need all the experience you can get, and that comes with time in the field. I feel terrible about the situation in which I've put my spouse, but on the other hand, I worry that I will never be truly happy living with such a large regret. What should I do? And if it's too late, how do I begin to grieve for my lost dreams?
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