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Dear Karma,

As Simon and Garfunkel said so eloquently about a similar situation: "Koo koo kachoo, Mrs. Robinson." Not only has this woman had an affair with her stepson and been multiply unfaithful to her husband, she is also an extortionist. The pain of extracting her from his life will be well worth it to your father. Now that she's threatened you, it will be hard to ever feel comfortable with your father knowing she's always fingering the pin on this grenade. None of your choices is good, but surely you want to be the first to let your father know you weren't spending all your free time your senior year of high school in woodworking class. I don't know what your father's mental state or temperament is, so it might be best to deliver this news in a corner booth in a restaurant. That way, he's sitting down and you'll have some privacy, but if he snaps and starts strangling you, maybe the busboy can intervene. Tell your father you have been living with a sickening, shameful secret that has been a blot on your life. Give as brief an account as possible and emphasize that you were a minor when she seduced you. (It would help if you were also a virgin.) As horrifying as this revelation will be for your father, surely his lawyer will do a little happy dance when he or she hears not only this news, but that stepmom has been offering to exchange her silence for money. As for your relationship with your father, you're right, it will never be the same. But at least now it won't be based on deception.

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