ST Alpha - "Capstern --- Just going off your posts..."She has to check with the accountant", "I dock the allowances", "she'll back what we decide"...." (Reading a Post)

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Capstern --- Just going off your posts..."She has to check with the accountant", "I dock the allowances", "she'll back what we decide"....

Posted by Will Hunting (aka JoeMetz) May 10 '12, 08:12

you became the money/authority man, either by white-knighting this as is your tendency, or by her ceding you that role.

Either way, you're only a few months into a relationship, you haven't 'earned' that respect yet in most regards in those kids' eyes.

You organize her money...fine, but she should 100% be the point person on it. Not the 'accountant'. She should be the docking agent, not you. You should be backing her on whatever you both decide.

Be wary. Be the deferring agent to their mom. And above all, don't be your typical white-knight standard. Not yet.

Responses:

Man, so many of the good ST arguments happen on *east coast* time -- nm - con_carne May 10, 08:28 8
- Last night was about as close to an "arguement" as this one, and that was on West coast time! - Iron Spawn May 10, 08:34
- I don't even know if this is an argument....for us, it's rather tame. - Will Hunting May 10, 08:29 6
  - Its not an arguement at all. Just actual honest advice and appreciated. Not a situation I have EVER dealt with - Capstern May 10, 08:33 3
    - dude, youo deal with this just about every time you get engaged, married, whatever. - groiny May 10, 08:34 2
      - Lets see ST/TT has been around for exactly ONE marriage....and the end of two - Capstern May 10, 08:41 1
        
        this is the exact same situation you were in with Cassie. - groiny May 10, 08:43
  - Let alone a good one. -- nm - mara May 10, 08:32 1
    - you just don't get it - prayformojo May 10, 08:34
I can see what you are saying. For once in my life I run from the white horse - Capstern May 10, 08:19 8
- I won't even say they think it's a joke or not...but no matter how it works, it'll be taken about 100x more serious than anyone ever intended - Will Hunting May 10, 08:25 1
  - Oh I know - Capstern May 10, 08:32
- Yeah... not so much. -- nm - Iron Spawn May 10, 08:22
- you may THINK you've stabled the horse, but there are all kinds of boundary violations here. -- nm - loosilu May 10, 08:21 4
  - I try to work from the thoery that I am so much better than I would have been in the past - Capstern May 10, 08:26 3
    - I would go from the theory that "there's always room for improvement" than "I'm so much better than I used to be" -- nm - Roger More May 10, 08:42
    - Just an aside, the past for you isn't that long ago, like at all ago. - Will Hunting May 10, 08:31
    - that doesn't mean it's good now. -- nm - loosilu May 10, 08:27
yeah, i've been with someone for over 5 years that now has an 18 year old. - Andie May 10, 08:14 11
- Yeah, I don't even know where to start with this. My wife struggles to assert any kind of authority on my kids (even "please put your dishes away - pmb May 10, 08:36 1
  - you and i have discussed this before - what a tight rope it can be. -- nm - Andie May 10, 08:37
- I guess thats how I am trying to approach this... - Capstern May 10, 08:24 2
  - they ask YOU for money. YOU dock the allowance. that's not standing back. -- nm - loosilu May 10, 08:29
  - Just stop. You've already took on the role of step father/accountant in action. You're just not admitting the title. - Inigo May 10, 08:27
- But think how much fun playing the wicked stepmother would be! -- nm - Reagen May 10, 08:19 5
  - i plan to start as soon as we say I Do. - Andie May 10, 08:23 4
    - But Andie, clearly you should have already begun! -- nm - Iron Spawn May 10, 08:26 2
      - i am *years* behind. - Andie May 10, 08:27
      - Oh, she has been practicing in front of the mirrors, I'm sure. - Will Hunting May 10, 08:27
    - ~Cuz Mother....Knows......Best~ - Andie SI May 10, 08:26
I think it is a bit too late for that. -- nm - Iron Spawn May 10, 08:13 2
- Probably, and would take him actively backing away from this...but it's at least I think a fair critique. -- nm - Will Hunting May 10, 08:14 1
  - Oh, agreed. - Iron Spawn May 10, 08:15
agreed completely. he should have NOTHING to do with it at this point. -- nm - loosilu May 10, 08:12

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Capstern --- Just going off your posts..."She has to check with the accountant", "I dock the allowances", "she'll back what we decide"....

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