ST Alpha - "Opinions, please - do any of you remember my situation last year with my friend (a bridesmaid in my wedding), who abruptly cut Will and I out of " (Reading a Post)

SlickerTalk
Search Archives
The Leaderboard
The FAQ

Down to Post

Backboards:

Posts: 162

Opinions, please - do any of you remember my situation last year with my friend (a bridesmaid in my wedding), who abruptly cut Will and I out of

Posted by kelly May 29 '12, 12:29

her and her son's (Will's nephew) lives? Wouldn't reply to my emails, blocked us from FB, acted as though we were the enemy? It was a heartbreaking thing to happen to me, I was very sad to be cut out of the little boy's life. (The loss of friendship made me sad as well, but I was more upset about the nephew.)

On Christmas Day she texted me (9 months after this happened) and told us if we wanted to see her son, we could, she'd be at a relative's house. So we saw him then. Since then, we've had a few meet-ups - she gave us a baby gift from her son, she invited us to his birthday party, and Will invited her to the house at one point to see Nathan shortly after he was born, so the cousins could meet. So, we've seen him 3 times since Christmas.

It saddens me to see that a kid who we used to see often now has pretty much no idea who we are. (He turned 3 on Saturday, so he's still quite young.) I am still frustrated by what happened last year, for a variety of reasons. I still have no idea what happened, as she has not even acknowledged that anything did happen, that she had a problem with us, etc. (Not untypical for her - act like normal, don't apologize, hope for the best.)

I'd like to send her an email or FB msg (since she unblocked us from FB and re-friended us), just letting her know how I feel, asking her what happened, and expressing my sadness that things happened the way they did, and that now we don't really have a relationship with her son, something that I had before this all went down.

Will says no, she will retreat like she did before, she will cut us out of her lives again. She is now *seemingly* a bit more mature - in a healthy relationship, engaged to a really nice guy, a good parent, etc. I'm hoping the fact she's in a good place, rather than dealing with Will's loser brother, has put her in a spot where she will act her age instead of ignoring us again. I really want to say something to her (nicely), but Will says no.

What do you think? What would you do?

Responses:

depends on if you are willing to accept the ramifications from the confrontation. - groiny May 29, 13:10 3
- See? This is where I am too. I have a real hard time being wronged (and it sounds like she has been wronged here) without giving the wrong-er a WTF? -- nm - Jim May 29, 13:12 2
  - plus, as an added bonus, my friends never have to wonder where they stand with me. nm -- nm - groiny May 29, 13:13
  - I made phone calls the week after my wedding to get explanations for the no-shows. - groiny May 29, 13:13
Keep it all in. I've done this for an entire decade with a family member. - David, neutral May 29, 12:48
What about this? - kelly May 29, 12:41 8
- I think it would be better to have other gatherings and invite her vs. singling her out now. - b. May 29, 12:48
- i predict she'll say no, and you won't hear from her again for a year. -- nm - Andie May 29, 12:46 6
  - Bring it up right before she sends out wedding invites...if she takes it poorly, we don't have to buy a gift. -- nm - Will Hunting May 29, 12:49 5
    - a. We're not being invited to that wedding. b. Even if we were - have fun by yourself. - kelly May 29, 12:53 3
      - [deleted] 2
        
        Oh, I'd bet my life that we aren't invited. - kelly May 29, 13:21
        
        But that makes way too much sense. -- nm - Spawn May 29, 13:20
    - True fiscal conservatism, I applaud you sir. -- nm - Beryllium May 29, 12:50
I think as women we want to " fix" things - sometimes we can't. I agree with Will. I am happy to hear things are somewhat better -- nm - Epiphany May 29, 12:40
Hold off. I somehow get the feeling she will bring it up sometime soon -- nm - amoxy May 29, 12:39
I think I'd leave it alone a bit longer and see what happens. I get the same feeling as Will, that she will pull back again. - Krusty May 29, 12:34
i agree with Will, i really don't think you'll get an answer, and it won't help your future relationship. - Andie May 29, 12:33 16
- Which relationship being strong and well-established - us with her son's, or me and her? - kelly May 29, 12:35 15
  - you won't have a relationship with the son without one with her. not really (not while he is this young anyway). - Andie May 29, 12:36 14
    - Completely agree. Be the bigger person and let it go. -- nm - pmb May 29, 12:42 13
      - I have to be honest, I'm sick of the "be the bigger person" way of life with this family. - kelly May 29, 12:49 12
        
        I get that. My wife and I disagree about this too when it comes to dealing with my ex. The thing is, for me anyway, you have to separate what makes - pmb May 29, 13:21
        
        I live in a family like this. Don't think about fairness. Think of it as doing what works. -- nm - loosilu May 29, 12:54
        
        I know it's frustrating, but just keep in mind the hassles caused by not being the bigger person. -- nm - Roger More May 29, 12:51 8
        
        His family not speaking to us would be possibly one of the greatest things to ever happen in my life. :) - kelly May 29, 12:55 7
        
        so sorry it's at that level, Will and you. bad family stuff just plain sucks. -- nm - b. May 29, 12:57 5
        
        Oh, it's just me. - kelly May 29, 13:00 4
        
        I can't imagine the culture shock of coming from a healthy family into a disfunctional one. -- nm - loosilu May 29, 13:04 1
        
        Well, we had an okay relationship before I moved, but it got a lot better after I moved here. - kelly May 29, 13:12
        
        dealing with your own family stuff can be toughl. someone else's family stuff is tougher. - Andie May 29, 13:02 1
        
        [deleted]
        
        if it were my family, there wouldn't be any "not speaking". There would just be endless sniping. -- nm - loosilu May 29, 12:55
        
        i get that, i really do. it's just that there is more at stake here. -- nm - Andie May 29, 12:50
I'm with Will. Things are thawing. Give it time. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who can deal with confrontation (even if done in the - pmb May 29, 12:32

Post a message top

Opinions, please - do any of you remember my situation last year with my friend (a bridesmaid in my wedding), who abruptly cut Will and I out of

Replies are disabled on threads older than 7 days.