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boston.com Love Letters - She Wants Me to Pay.

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Jul 25 '12, 08:22

Dear Meredith,

My girlfriend of three months, Selena, who's from the Dominican Republic, is generally unselfish and considerate of others to a degree that is unique in my experience. I cherish her for it.

Lately, we were talking about going on a week-long trip to Europe, something to do maybe six months from now if our relationship sticks. I said, "Sure, you can just pay for your ticket and I'll take care of everything else, the hotel, the food, all the trip's other expenses." She replied, "No. If a man and woman go on a trip together, the man should pay for everything." Convenient belief, I thought. She has even set aside funds for just such a trip she had hoped to take with her mother, but her mother in the end decided she didn't want to go to Europe. So Selena has the funds. But the issue isn't the amount. It is the principle that she should contribute something, no matter how small. If she had replied, "I'd love to, but I can only scrape together about four hundred dollars towards it," I'd have been happy.

Selena's hard line on this is contrary to her generally giving nature. When she visits me she always brings a bag of groceries. It's kind of funny to know that every time you open your door to let your girlfriend in, she will be carting a dozen eggs, paper towels, two boxes of cereal, and some light bulbs, or a similar bag of goods.

I've encountered a few gold diggers over the years, including one girl who broke up with me when I would not spend three thousand dollars to buy her a mink coat. So I'm a little sensitive about this issue.

Am I the one who is off base, my view colored and made cynical by those past gold diggers? I just don't know how to feel about this.

� Señor Ciento, NY

Responses:

I don't think she's a gold digger and I don't think he's wrong to want her to chip in something on the trip. -- nm - Jim Jul 25, 08:41
Who buys their girlfriend of 9 months a week long trip to Europe? - oblique Jul 25, 08:38 15
- why not? -- nm - znufrii Jul 25, 08:46
- i guess if i had the money, and a girlfriend, it would be fun. - tRuMaN Jul 25, 08:43 2
  - [deleted] 1
    - wtf? -- nm - tRuMaN Jul 25, 08:45
- A 1%'er -- nm - amoxy Jul 25, 08:42 5
  - I'll be spending a week in Europe in December, and I'm way below 1%. -- nm - loosilu Jul 25, 08:43 4
    - But you're not paying someone else's way. -- nm - mara Jul 25, 08:48 3
      - i actually don't think it is that big a deal. plenty of people with disposable income would probably be happy to cover a trip for someone - Andie Jul 25, 08:49 1
        
        Me, neither, I'm just arguing with loosi. -- nm - mara Jul 25, 08:51
      - fair enough, but that just raises it a couple of percentage points. - loosilu Jul 25, 08:49
- why not? -- nm - loosilu Jul 25, 08:39 4
  - I guess it must be nice worying about whether or not to go on a week long trip to Europe -- nm - oblique Jul 25, 08:40 3
    - it's no different from a week anywhere else. -- nm - loosilu Jul 25, 08:41 2
      - except they don't speak God's language there.. heathens. -- nm - colin Jul 25, 08:41 1
        
        *raised eyebrow* -- nm - The Pope Jul 25, 08:42
Not a gold digger. this is really just about the plane ticket. -- nm - loosilu Jul 25, 08:36
i don't see a problem. if it's not about money, then why make it about money? - colin Jul 25, 08:35
you are off base - she's not a gold digger - Epiphany Jul 25, 08:28 3
- see, i would never expect a man to pay for me like that. cultural difference. it sounds like where she is that is just the way things are. - Andie Jul 25, 08:38 2
  - *nods* he certainly can say no - but I hope he's not mad at her over it. -- nm - Epiphany Jul 25, 09:11
  - this -- nm - znufrii Jul 25, 08:41
[deleted]
pay now or pay later - the human tater tot Jul 25, 08:25 1
- :) (any sharks?) -- nm - JenBro Jul 25, 09:39

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boston.com Love Letters - She Wants Me to Pay.

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