Wow, she must be one HELL of good nanny! Dear Prudence:
Posted by
miffed67
Jul 26 '12, 08:54
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Dear Prudence,
My husband and I have 7-year-old twins. For the first few years I was a stay-at-home mom, but I rejoined the workforce about two years ago. My husband and I decided to hire a nanny instead of sending our kids to day care. After a diligent interview process, we chose �Gretchen.� She was an outstanding candidate with great experience and references. My children adored her and I did, too. Unfortunately, about five months ago I discovered that Gretchen and my husband were having a sexual affair. In my shock and anger, I fired Gretchen and kicked my husband out of the house. He begged me to reconcile, but I have decided to divorce him. As the months have passed, though, I realize that I regret firing Gretchen. My friends and family think I am nuts, but I want to rehire her! She is no longer in a relationship with my husband, and no one I have interviewed comes close to her references, education, or flexible schedule. My kids are now stuck in a day care they hate. Am I crazy for wanting to take back my nanny and not my husband?
�Needs a Nanny
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Dear Nanny,
In an episode of HBO's Girls, sexy Jessa gets a surprise visit from the woman she�d been working for as a nanny. That job ended because Jessa and the father were seriously sniffing around each other, although they never ended up in bed. The mother tells Jessa that she�s had a dream in which she kills, eats, and defecates Jessa, then she asks Jessa to come back to work for her. I found the scene unbelievable, but you�ve proved me wrong. Sure, good help is hard to find, but I�ll join your friends and family in being baffled by how the affair between your husband and the nanny is a marriage-destroyer but not an employment-ender. It may be that the violation of the sanctity of your home and the image of Gretchen and your husband locked in an embrace has made it impossible for you to continue your marriage. But if that�s the case, I do not understand how you can contemplate looking at her every day in the flesh. This is also going to be profoundly confusing for your children. They�ve just gone through the trauma of their family coming apart. Surely even at their tender ages they�ve picked up that something was amiss with Daddy and Gretchen. You can�t then expect them to make sense of Daddy being gone and Gretchen coming back. Try to imagine explaining this in years to come when they explore the reason for the divorce: �Your father and Gretchen had an affair. Someone had to leave, and I decided it should be Daddy.�
Since you�ve shown yourself to be the pragmatic type, instead of putting your efforts into re-engaging Gretchen, I hope you will consider giving your marriage another try. Your husband and Gretchen aren�t lounging by the pool at their new love pad; they�ve realized the mess they�ve made and broken it off. (And it�s fair if right now your most fervent wish about your husband is to break his off.) Ending your marriage will have far more significant and long-lasting effects on your entire family than having to find a new baby sitter. Your husband has begged you to reconcile, so before you take further legal steps, agree to a limited number of counseling sessions. At the least you will have the satisfaction of a forum to make him hear how it feels to find yourself living the most humiliating domestic cliché.
�Prudie
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