boston.com Love Letters - I Might Want a Divorce
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Aug 16 '12, 07:25
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I have been with my wife for over almost a decade and we got married a few years ago. And I think I want a divorce, I just don't know what to do.
There has not been any one big fight or one big issue. And without question there are times where there is no one I would rather be with. But there are times when I feel, even on good days, that we just very good roommates. And there are times that seem to be occurring with more frequency, where I just wish I was by myself. I had always thought of myself as a relatively even-tempered person, usually in a good mood. But she can put me in a bad mood. There are times when I think that she is in a bad mood (perhaps incorrectly at times), which puts me in a bad mood, and that leads to tension.
I feel as if my wife is not happy, but I am not entirely sure why. I know she feels stressed all the time because of her job, but I think there is more (and I will admit I am not the best communicator and that it isn't easy for me to ask what else is bothering her � perhaps I am afraid she will say I am the problem). When we got married and when we were dating, we both had discussed how we did not want children. I have found that I am warming up to the idea but still am not ready, but suddenly she keeps talking about wanting them now. I also think that when she wants to, she looks for a reason to be unhappy and clings to it.
There are also money issues. I used to have a job that paid very well, but I hated it. It was not what I wanted to do. So I took a step back in my career, received additional training, which then allowed me to pursue what I really think is my dream job, which I have now. The problem is that this job does not pay much (about 50% of the job that I hated). This has definitely limited what we can do, where we can go, where we can live. And it definitely impacts our ability to afford children. There are some similar jobs that pay better, but those are very difficult to get. And if I could get one of those jobs I would; but she wants me to move on to something, anything, that pays better and that makes me feel stuck. If I stay in my current job, we will continue to have money issues (we can pay our bills, live a simple life, but nothing else). If I leave for a job that pays more because she wants me to, I know I will just resent her for it.
I just feel as too often I am not happy at the end of the day. But with student loans and my current job, I don't know that I can afford to be single (my wife makes more money than I do). There is also just the shame I think I would feel in getting divorced. Most, if not all, of my friends really like my wife. Our wedding was a great time and everyone honestly always talks about it still. I just don't know if I could do it, and I don't even know where to begin. I know communication would help, but I also am scared at what might come out.
� Not sure about my marriage, Boston
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