SlickerTalk
Search Archives
The Leaderboard
The FAQ

Login
Create Account

Search Dr. S. Talk
TT/ST Wiki
How Well Do You Know ...

RSS Feed



Hosting by DigitalOcean

Support ST on Ko-Fi

Live
Down to Post
Backboards: 
Posts: 156

LYC overshare *sigh*

Posted by oblique (aka kkuphal) Aug 22 '12, 06:56
So, as you may recall, my wife is quitting the primary part of her job at our church of leading contemporary worship. She's still retaining children's choirs and some other duties. She's been doing it for 10 years and some of them have been downright awful. Even with that, she's obviously struggling with the change even more so because she had her last leading service on the 12th, expecting that the next two weeks would be spend training the new hires (they need to replace her and a blended worship leader). Instead the new replacements aren't coming until after labor day and she's found out this week that basically she won't have any involvement in their introduction. I think that's a big pride/legcay point for her although I'm of the mind "good riddance" to the leadership and looking forward to them getting their asses handed to them as they struggle through without her.

As you may also know, I lead a retreat weekend last year so this year I'm on the planning committee. We met last night. The event has a worship component to it and my wife has been the leader for that at various points in the life of the event. As the ex-leader, I do not have the option to attend the retreat this year which is a very tough thing for me as the event has been a big part of my faith journey.

When the topic of picking the worship lead came up, I excluded my wife on the idea that 1) She's transitioned out of worship leading at church 2) She's going to Haiti with our church on a mission trip the month before and possibly involved in the youth retreat the weekend after 3) I can't go so I didn't want that to be in my face as she prepared 4) This is exactly the type of event/involvement that she's making a separation from in order to spend more time with our family.

To throw a wrench into the mix, the person picked to lead was one my wife just had a huge blow-up with because that person was pissed about the worship team she was on. It was an extremely rude and hurtful encounter which my wife is still very hurt by despite some resolution.

So after the meeting last night, she was pissed about finding out about the new hire schedule and very upset with me for taking her out of the team although I had no idea she wanted to be on the team. My thoughts have been very much about getting her out of the staff environment of the church as much as possible because it has not been a positive thing for the last year or two.

To make matters worse, she went off to bed angry (I had just gotten home after working/meeting) at 11. I stewed for a while then went up to find her in the guest room (presumably asleep). This is *not* how we normally operate even when angry so it pissed me off on top of already being pissed off for being basically yelled at for the team decisions.

So this morning I woke up, got ready, left this note on the bed:

"Call me if you decide that quitting your job means quitting us too. Coming to bed last night was one of the most humiliating things I've experienced. My only concern is protecting you from that environment and giving your more time with us" (or something to that effect)

I'm normally a very apologetic in our relationship. She's a strong personality and I've found it easier to acquiesce for the sake of peace. I've spent the last 3 hours upset about the entire encounter to the point it's the only thing on my mind at work. Obviously she hasn't called (it's possible she didn't see the note but...). Kids are off to school now and I don't think she works at church today.

I can't decide if I should text, call, wait, go home and try to talk or stand my ground. *sigh*

Sorry for unloading...

Responses:
Post a message   top
Replies are disabled on threads older than 7 days.
(Disclaimer: This website uses cookies to store identifying information. Please practice safe password usage.)