boston.com Love Letters - My Boyfriend Hates My Friend
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Aug 23 '12, 06:52
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Dear Meredith,
After years of dating, I have met the definition of a "great guy" -- caring, understanding, good communicator, etc.
So far, we have succeeded in working through issues as they come up and tackling our different views. But there is one issue where we are at an impasse:
I have a friend named "Chris." He is not a close friend, but he's in my friend circle and frequently attends the dinners, parties, and get-togethers that my friends throw. My boyfriend, Paul, cannot stand Chris. He thinks that he is rude (which Chris is) and feels extremely uncomfortable in the same room as him. Paul believes that Chris was personally rude and mean to him in the past and that he actually spit into his drink at a party.
We agreed that we would not go to small gatherings if Chris is attending, but my boyfriend does not want to attend any event if Chris will be there. I feel like this is putting me in an awkward position. If one of my friends invites us over for a large dinner party, I have to make up some excuse why Paul cannot attend too. We debated telling some of my friends that Paul does not get along with Chris, but we think that will develop a rift between people.
From my perspective, I think that Paul should not let Chris determine his actions and control where and when he goes. Paul does not want to be in the same room as someone who treated him poorly in the past.
What should we do? We have started debating this every weekend since there have been frequent events that both Chris and Paul are invited to. How should we handle it so that both of us feel content?
� Stuck in the Middle, Boston
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