boston.com Love Letters: His Dad Cheated
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Sep 4 '12, 07:27
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I have been in a relationship for eight years. About three years ago, my fiance learned that his father had been having a long-term affair. His mother had found evidence, confronted her husband, and was preparing for a divorce. She shared this with my fiance.
Ultimately, they did decide to stay together. However, the experience wreaked havoc on my relationship. My fiance was angry at his father for the affair and angry at his mother for telling him about it. Not surprisingly, my fiance was upset and withdrew with worries that the "sins of the father would be bestowed upon the son." And though I hate to admit it, I too suddenly had doubts. Would my fiance also have an affair? Could I trust him? Instead of starting from a place of trust, I found myself beginning from doubts and becoming even more possessive and insecure. Ultimately, his father apologized to him but never to me. It has been the elephant in the room at every family gathering.
I have told my fiance that I am hurt as well, and that I would like to discuss it. My fiance's response: "Why?" He doesn't think that my feelings are justified because his parents experienced a greater loss than me. The issue has driven a wedge between us because I feel like he doesn't value my feelings. It's also hurt my relationship with his parents because I have lost all respect for his father.
I know that this experience has exposed many weaknesses in this relationship, but I'm curious about just one aspect: Am I wrong to believe that there should be a discussion with his family that includes me, in which the affair is at least acknowledged? Am I expecting too much to believe that his father owes me an apology as well?
� Still Wondering About My Place, Boston
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