I remember how hard my earlier breakups were, but finally after surviving my marriage breaking up, I honestly think I can handle anything. I think
Posted by
pmb (aka pmb)
Feb 6 '09, 08:51
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one of the hardest things about these breakups is all the time spend trying to figure out what you did wrong, what's wrong with you, what you could have done differently and beating yourself up about all of it. But I finally learned that while you do need to do some introspection and learn about yourself through the experience and it will be painful, the beating yourself up part is completely misguided. I've become somewhat fatalistic I guess in that I've accepted that it can just be that it wasn't working for one or both of you (usually it starts with not working for one who causes the breakup, but the reality is it isn't working for either). That doesn't mean that you don't work at your relationships and try to make it work, but sometimes it just can't work. There's no reason to look for blame either way. In many ways they're doing you a favor by recognizing the problem. It allows you to focus on what you want and need outside the pressures of pleasing another. That's not to minimize the sadness or difficulty, but I don't think I would ever be destroyed by it again.
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