ST Alpha - "really? your entire marriage was built on your partners fidelity? not on all times and moments you've shared and raising a family, etc?" (Reading a Post)

SlickerTalk
Search Archives
The Leaderboard
The FAQ

Down to Post

Backboards:

Posts: 169

really? your entire marriage was built on your partners fidelity? not on all times and moments you've shared and raising a family, etc?

Posted by Guy (aka lostatlimbo) Feb 6 '09, 12:19

if that is all there is to a marriage, it sounds like an awful marriage. you're basically saying - "i don't care about you or anything that we've experienced together, i only care about your fidelity."

im not saying the infidelity is not a big issue - it is, but saying that the *entire marriage is a lie* blows my mind

Responses:

you can't just forget this knowledge once you have it. you would (1) lose the trust which is huge (2) probably be eaten up thinking about it, - Andie Feb 6, 12:34 8
- I've watched families disintegrate in court. I seriously, without reservation, believe my kids would be better off with me feeling stupid and - landbeck Feb 6, 12:41 3
  - I totally get this. But there's nothing for the other person to "work out." They cheated for 1/3 of your marriage on you. - JaxSean Feb 6, 12:47
  - stupid is one thing, but angry, distrustful, hurt, obsessed? and i can see all of those being likely emotions. -- nm - Andie Feb 6, 12:42 1
    - (and, like i said, they might get past it, but it's not an easy thing to just 'relegate to the past.' -- nm - Andie Feb 6, 12:44
- I agree. Every day I'd look at her, I'd think about it. "She cheated on me for 1/3 of our marriage. WTF?!?" -- nm - JaxSean Feb 6, 12:40
- i am *so* curious how she found out. -- nm - kare Feb 6, 12:39 2
  - me too. -- nm - JaxSean Feb 6, 12:40 1
    - and why on *earth* would you be so sure he hadn't cheated in the intervening years? -- nm - Andie Feb 6, 12:41
The first years of your marriage are the foundation for the future. If they're *consistently* cheating for *3 years* then your marriage's foundation - JaxSean Feb 6, 12:23 5
- i bet, if you talk to an older couple who's been together for 20 years or so, their opinion would differ - Guy Feb 6, 12:27 4
  - Carrie and I got together in January of 1991 and we've been married since May of 95. - Jim Feb 6, 12:29
  - We've been together 13 years now (plus a year before we got married). It's not 20, but I know how I'd feel. -- nm - JaxSean Feb 6, 12:28 2
    - look - I don't pretend to know about this. ive never been in a long enough relationship to even consider marriage. - Guy Feb 6, 12:33 1
      - it boils down to losing trust. and when you lose that, everything unravels from there. at least, that's my perspective. -- nm - kare Feb 6, 12:34
That's just it...who knows what else in the marriage has been a lie? If they're willing to cheat for 3 years... - Jim Feb 6, 12:23 11
- i also dont get the 'hiding it for 7 years' thing. - Guy Feb 6, 12:25 8
  - Trish's explanation works for me - though I'm left wondering why she should stay with him if this is the case -- (link) - Roger More Feb 6, 12:33 [Backboard]
  - sweet! the IRS can't come after me for that time in 2003 when i cheated on my taxes!! -- nm - kare Feb 6, 12:28 6
    - you're missing my point. have you spent a significant chunk of those 7 years covering up the taxes you owe? -- nm - Guy Feb 6, 12:29 5
      - what does it matter? time elapsed, cover-ups... doesn't matter. it's still a lie, and still a lie of the same magnitude - kare Feb 6, 12:31 4
        
        Like I said below, him telling her after all this time was a totally selfish move on his part. He couldn't handle the guilt any more so he "shared". - Trish Feb 6, 12:41 2
        
        i would definitely try harder to salvage a marriage than, say, 10 years ago, and definitely if i had kids with that person - kare Feb 6, 12:46
        
        but, DID he tell her? -- nm - Andie Feb 6, 12:43
        
        *nominates kare for Tom Dachsle's position* -- nm - Strongbad Feb 6, 12:32
- yup. trust. period. you've gotta have it. -- nm - kare Feb 6, 12:24
- Well said. -- nm - Strongbad Feb 6, 12:23
no, it's built on trust. once that's broken, it's nearly impossible to regain it. i'm sure i'd cut my losses. worthless bastage. -- nm - kare Feb 6, 12:22
Guy, kilbo, and I agree. Trifecta, bitches. - Dr.Vermin Feb 6, 12:22
lets say those moments are walls, but trust is a foundation - a house without a foundation doesn't last -- nm - crash davis Feb 6, 12:22 4
- what about the 7 years since? shouldnt trust have been built then too? houses need remodeling sometimes. -- nm - Guy Feb 6, 12:23 3
  - Oh, those 7 years spent hiding a 3 year affair? Is that the 7 trustful years you mean? -- nm - Jim Feb 6, 12:23 2
    - i guarantee you they didnt spend 7 full years actively hiding an affair. -- nm - Guy Feb 6, 12:28 1
      - Well he certainly didn't spend it telling her about it. - Jim Feb 6, 12:31

Post a message top

really? your entire marriage was built on your partners fidelity? not on all times and moments you've shared and raising a family, etc?

Replies are disabled on threads older than 7 days.