boston.com Love Letters - He Updated His Profile
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Dec 24 '12, 08:55
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Hi Meredith,
I'm hoping you can give me some words of wisdom. I met a man online and we started dating back in August. I'm 40, he is 47. Both of us are divorced, his child is grown, mine is younger. We spend weekends together, we text during the day, and if schedules permit, we see each other during the week. I've even met his parents. So far everything was great until ... there is always an until.
There were some pretty significant stressful shakeups at his job. As soon as this happened, he became distant, he started giving me one-word answers, the texts slowed down, and he barely spoke to me. It was a complete 180 change in less than a week. I asked him about it and he said it was all work related and how sorry he was that he let his work issues affect the relationship. Things got a little better.
But I got the nagging urge to check his dating profile. Perhaps I'm a bit naive, but after a couple months and meeting the parents, I suspended my profile. I figured I was seeing someone so there was no need. He still has his. It's active and it was recently updated!
We had a big ol' fight about it. He said it doesn't mean anything. He's only with me. And that his updating his profile is no big deal. To me it seems like a very big deal. To me it feels like he had his three-month trial run and now wants to upgrade and look for the bigger, better deal. He says that's not the case, but if not, why update his profile at all?
A friend of mine shared her theory with me. Older daters, i.e. 40+ and divorced, have two big mile stones when they are dating -- at 3 months and 6 months. At three months, this is when people get antsy and contemplate leaving the relationship. If they stick around for 6 months then they have committed to staying. Since we've hit our 3 month mark, it appears he wants to cut and run, but why not talk to me first before updating the profile? What are your thoughts on this?
� Stunned in Boston
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Responses:
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Yeah, he's keeping you around until he finds something better. -- nm
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mafic
Dec 24, 10:10
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it ain't the job stress, honey -- nm
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prisoner 24601
Dec 24, 09:47
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Kick him in the crotch, then kick him to the curb -- nm
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amoxy
Dec 24, 09:45
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Either accept it, or break up.
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Merry Christmoose
Dec 24, 09:00
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don't know about 3/6 months, but he's gone. -- nm
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Loosi Lou Who
Dec 24, 08:57
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