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boston.com Love Letters - He Sends Inappropriate E-mails to His Co-worker

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Jan 23 '13, 09:57

I recently discovered inappropriate emails between my husband and a female friend and co-worker of his. There was flirtation involved.

This issue arose with the same woman back when we were dating. I noticed that their communication was flirtatious and what I considered to be inappropriate for someone in a committed relationship. I told him that it made me uncomfortable and would prefer if they kept their relationship work-related only. After a long argument and me threatening to breakup with him, he agreed. Then I found out that he friended her on Facebook. He assured me that they had a strictly work-related relationship. I believed him.

Last week, I found the above mentioned email communication. I confronted him and he became extremely defensive and said that I violated his privacy by reading the emails. I then found more emails. One email had communication about a movie date. In another email, she simply stated that she loved him. Another asked if he was still married.

I confronted him with these emails and again he accused me of violating his privacy. He said that the emails about the movie were an inside joke, and that he would never go to the movies with her or do anything else like that. He said that she says she loves him (as a friend) but he has never told her that he loves her. He admits that the flirtation was inappropriate and that he would address the behavior, but refuses to give up their friendship. He says it is a principled stand because he feels I am trying to control him and dictate who his friends are. I have never asked him to end any other friendships.

We are trying to secure an appointment with a marriage counselor. However, as he refuses to end their "friendship," I really do not see how we can move forward. For the record, I do not believe that they have had an affair. I am seeking perspective.

� Emails, MD

Responses:

Divorce -- nm - amoxy Jan 23, 10:06
Just wait until she finds out about the love child. -- nm - David Jan 23, 10:05
He's being totally truthful here and you have nothing to worry about. hee -- nm - CQ Jan 23, 10:03
I agree with him. nm -- nm - groiny Jan 23, 10:01
anytime you go with "you violated my privacy!" when you get caught at something = even more guilty -- nm - Beaker Jan 23, 10:00 15
- *ding* -- nm - znufrii Jan 23, 10:03
- Fourth Amendment don't apply to no cheatin bitches -- nm - charlie Jan 23, 10:01
- right? -- nm - Andie Jan 23, 10:01 12
  - Definitely true. My took the same approach with me. She's on some shakey legal ground with the email snooping though. -- nm - Inigo Jan 23, 10:05 6
    - You think he should have her arrested for going through his email? -- nm - amoxy Jan 23, 10:10 2
      - Not at all. Just saying he could take that course, - Inigo Jan 23, 10:13 1
        
        You and me both -- nm - amoxy Jan 23, 10:13
    - but what does being "legal" or not have to do with it? -- nm - Don Homer Jan 23, 10:06 1
      - Just that the letter writer needs to be more carefulin case her husband wants to nuke from orbit. -- nm - Inigo Jan 23, 10:09
    - My ex ^ -- nm - Inigo Jan 23, 10:06
  - it's the patented "uh oh, I'm boned...how can I turn this around?...I know, make it about what she did!" manuever -- nm - Beaker Jan 23, 10:02 4
    - yeah, but sneaking into your partner's emails is kind of shady as well. nm -- nm - groiny Jan 23, 10:04 3
      - it is. sure. but it's not as bad as cheating, so, limited sympathy there. -- nm - Andie Jan 23, 10:08
      - he shouldn't have given her cause to not trust him in the first place. -- nm - znufrii Jan 23, 10:07 1
        
        I dunno man, it sure is possible that he did nothing but flirt. - groiny Jan 23, 10:13
DTMFA -- nm - Harvey Cat Jan 23, 10:00
he is angry with you because he has no other excuse for the behaviour, and, yes, they are having an affair. - Andie Jan 23, 10:00
Threesome -- nm - Beaker Jan 23, 09:59
worst. cheater. ever. -- nm - znufrii Jan 23, 09:58

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boston.com Love Letters - He Sends Inappropriate E-mails to His Co-worker

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