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bonus friday hax chat q: he works regular hours, wife works a lot of overtime. she expects him to be available on a moment's notice when she's free

Posted by charlie (aka chris) Jan 25 '13, 12:20

BECK AND CALL BOY

My wife's work schedule is much more unpredictable and demanding than mine. I work pretty much a 40-hour, 9 to 5 job; she works anywhere from 55-60 hours, sometimes at nights and on weekends, and she doesn't have a lot of control over her schedule. Sometimes she'll call me at 4 or 5 and say, "Hey, I'm unexpectedly getting out early tonight -- want to see a movie/go to dinner/etc?" I know I should be happy to spend time together, but I end up feeling resentful -- like I'm at her beck and call and don't have anything better to do (even when I -don't- have anything better to do). I don't want to be a person who waits by the phone, but I also know its not her fault that her job is more chaotic than mine. How do I be a supportive spouse without being a doormat?

Responses:

That's all right. If you're not available, she'll find someone else. -- nm - Mop (190 lbs) Jan 25, 12:49 1
- Yuuup -- nm - ST. Epiphany Jan 25, 12:58
she ISN"T working overtime. she is having an affair. -- nm - peglegpete Jan 25, 12:46
even if the 2 of you owned your own business and worked at home, the hours would vary...Get over it! -- nm - peglegpete Jan 25, 12:46
I wonder if those hours she's working mean she's making more than him? Unspoken resentment there? -- nm - Meg Jan 25, 12:37 2
- Probably more of a control issue. Even if she is making more, having to work so much cancels it out I would think. -- nm - Spawn Jan 25, 12:39 1
  - my guess. -- nm - amanda Jan 25, 13:00
Man the fuck up. -- nm - Spawn Jan 25, 12:30 1
- he's trying to, but she won't let him be the one in charge! -- nm - znufrii Jan 25, 12:40
I don't get this. Is he resentful he's not as busy or something? If so, get some outside interests. But if he's available with nothing better to do, - Diva Jan 25, 12:25 17
- I understand the issue slightly because I kinda have had the same situation for years where my wife works lots of odd hours. I'd often get frustrated - oblique [220] Jan 25, 12:32 11
  - that's sounds like...*gasp!* a grown-up talking! - Diva Jan 25, 12:34 9
    - *washes mouth out with soap* -- nm - oblique [220] Jan 25, 12:36 8
      - tell the truth - does "a game or a project" translate to 'i was sitting on the sofa playing video games in my underwear and I don't want to stop."? - Diva Jan 25, 12:38 7
        
        In all honesty? If I get home and change out of my dress clothes into comfies, I am not exactly pleased if I have to get dressed again to go out. -- nm - Spawn Jan 25, 12:48 2
        
        as stated in the im - i've been there and I get it. - Diva Jan 25, 12:57 1
        
        and I'm no Jack Flash at this time of year either. - Mel Profit Jan 25, 13:03
        
        well, I usually had pants on and was in the basement but pretty much - oblique [220] Jan 25, 12:40 3
        
        she took HSXWorld away from us?! -- nm - charlie Jan 25, 12:42 1
        
        sadly, that was my own doing. When I moved to a hosting provider they had an outage that took out my data and it never really recovered - oblique [220] Jan 25, 12:46
        
        I believe everything in the above post except for the pants part. -- nm - Diva Jan 25, 12:41
  - beck & kilbo -- nm - charlie Jan 25, 12:33
- he wants to be the one in the drivers seat. -- nm - znufrii Jan 25, 12:29 2
  - then he should take control of his own time. she can't help her schedule, but it's odd for him to resent her trying to make time for them. -- nm - Diva Jan 25, 12:31 1
    - exactly, he's just being a total dick. -- nm - znufrii Jan 25, 12:32
- That's the underlying problem he's not articulating. -- nm - pmb Jan 25, 12:27
- right? like, no-one is telling you to do nothing in case she is free. -- nm - Andie Jan 25, 12:26
how horrible that your wife wants to spend her free time doing something with you. - Andie Jan 25, 12:25 1
- she's smothering him with these spontaneous demands! -- nm - charlie Jan 25, 12:28
If you have plans you're not obligated to break them if she's free. If you don't have plans, go and have fun with your wife, dumbass. -- nm - pmb Jan 25, 12:23
offs - znufrii Jan 25, 12:23
Be thankful she wants to spend time with you, she could be with her bf -- nm - amoxy Jan 25, 12:22
Taken from the blog post I was reading earlier. If you were dating her, wouldn't you jump at the chance to go out when she was available? - oblique [220] Jan 25, 12:22

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bonus friday hax chat q: he works regular hours, wife works a lot of overtime. she expects him to be available on a moment's notice when she's free

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