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boston.com Love Letters - She Won't Stop Texting My Boyfriend

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Mar 4 '13, 06:39

Hi Meredith,

I am a 30-year-old woman dating a 42-year-old man (who I will call Jason). We have a wonderful relationship, communicate VERY well, and love each other deeply. We can play together and be serious when needed. We've been together for over a year and living together for the last nine months or so. All in all, the perfect match. So what's the problem? Well Meredith, it's another woman (cue the dramatic music).

Here's some background: Jason started a new job last year, and with the position came new coworkers and colleagues. One coworker is a woman in her early 30s who he works somewhat closely with, but his position is superior to hers. My issue is that this woman (who is single) texts him during off-work hours. Their conversations revolve around personal things, not work-related topics. Nothing incredibly personal but it's still clear she's reaching out just for an excuse to talk. I realize that when you work with someone closely you'll develop a relationship and get to know them, but her texts are downright flirty. The other piece of information to note is that my boyfriend is REALLY good-looking -- and it's not just me being biased; he's one of those classically handsome men that turns heads in restaurants, and his blissful unawareness of his own good looks makes him all the more attractive to me. He is charming without even realizing it and I am pretty certain that she is interpreting his kindness as interest in her.

The texting started last fall. He admitted that it was a little odd she was texting and I let him know that it bothered me. He assured me that it was harmless, and she is just a lonely woman reaching out. However, it continued and although he didn't always mention it to me, I would peek at his phone and see she was still texting. I am very bothered by the fact that this woman knows he is in a relationship and continues to reach out at inappropriate times, like 9 pm on a Friday night. It all came to a head this past New Year's Eve when she was drunk and repeatedly texting him and saying that she was going to call him at midnight, teasingly, "You better be awake old man!" I lost it and Jason and I had a blow-out fight which basically ruined our holiday. Just a side note -- he and I RARELY fight and this was a bad one.

I need you to know that he doesn't lie to me about it and he doesn't flirt back. When I look through the messages it is painfully obvious that this woman is initiating everything. But I find it wrong that he engages in it. He says that he doesn't want to confront her because it will be awkward at work and he doesn't want to make accusations that she could say are not true -- but this is what gets me: Why is my loving boyfriend caring more about making this woman comfortable and allowing this to go on, ultimately making his girlfriend feel completely disrespected?

I never considered myself to be a jealous person and I feel secure in my relationship, but I feel it is wrong for her to be sending him messages when he is lying in bed next to me. It's not about worrying that he is going to leave her for me because I don't believe that is the case. For me this is about the respect that you give another person you are dating. Meredith, readers, am I overreacting or does Jason need to stop this now?

� Feeling Disrespected, North Attleboro

Responses:

i get that he doesn`t want to create a work issue. but he could easily just not respond to texts sent at inappropriate times. -- nm - Andie Mar 4, 07:00 4
- And if he's not logging the texts, he'd better start. -- nm - Mop Mar 4, 07:15
- Yes. It's not always about confrontation. -- nm - Roger More Mar 4, 07:14
- This. -- nm - Mop Mar 4, 07:12
- Exactly. Don't feed the Troll, the Troll will go away eventually. -- nm - Strongbad Mar 4, 07:01
Guess what, sweet cheeks? He likes it. He likes the little game because it makes him feel good. It's got some Scorned: Love Kills aspects to it. -- nm - CQ Mar 4, 06:56
doesn't want to make accusations that she could say are not true? Text Message Log? -- nm - Strongbad Mar 4, 06:49 3
- "You misunderstood my incessant friendly texts as flirtation? Shame on you, dirty old man!" -- nm - Roger More Mar 4, 06:56 2
  - and he's senior at work. it could get real messy. -- nm - Diva Mar 4, 07:00
  - "He was totally making eyes at me, asking for it!" -- nm - Strongbad Mar 4, 06:57
tl;dr, eff the doorman. -- nm - znufrii Mar 4, 06:42
if he wanted her to stop, he would stop her -- nm - charlie Mar 4, 06:41
We have seen this one before, right? -- nm - amoxy Mar 4, 06:41 1
- the basics of this yes. I'm betting they hang out at the office as well. -- nm - Epiphany Mar 4, 08:10
This is the downside of a handsome, oblivious boyfriend. -- nm - Roger More Mar 4, 06:41 1
- till he ends up with hooks for hands (30 Rock shout out for Mr Hamm!) -- nm - Beaker Mar 4, 06:43
threesome -- nm - Beaker Mar 4, 06:40

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boston.com Love Letters - She Won't Stop Texting My Boyfriend

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