boston.com Love Letters - Feelings For A Friend
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Apr 12 '13, 08:50
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Dear Meredith,
Perhaps you and your readers can help me. I'm in love with one of my best friends and I don't know what to do since we have an emotional roller coaster of a past.
The background: Rachel and I met through mutual friends about a year ago. Very quickly we grew close and became an important part of each other's lives. I'm 26 and have a very respectable job in my field, while she's a few years younger and finishing up school after a few years off. Since our friendship began, there was always kind of a back-and-forth between us being interested in one another. It got to the point where we were practically dating, although she was kind of oblivious to the meaning of our actions -- spending a lot of time alone together, confiding in each other, texting for hours on end (we never did sleep together). Finally I gave her an ultimatum: we have to act on these feelings or we need to take a break as friends because I wanted more. She said she wasn't ready to be with me (though she wanted to be and cared about me) because she had to figure out some stuff about herself and she was scared of a relationship going badly and subsequently ruining a close friendship. We were both crushed by this, but it had to happen. So I cut her out of my life completely for a while.
Shortly after this, I found out that she started going on dates and sleeping with a mutual friend, John. My sadness about the state of our friendship turned into anger and hurt. She could act on her feelings for John but not me? Especially when EVERYONE that knew both of us told Rachel she was stupid for getting involved with John because I'm a better catch than he is in every possible way. I was so angry I never intended to speak to her again. (The thing between Rachel and John ended quickly to no one's surprise).
About a month later, I finally lost the energy to be angry and because we have mutual friends, I asked Rachel to talk. My original intentions were to reconcile so we could at least stand in the same room without it being awkward. The talk ended up going better than expected. She acknowledged that she hurt me and that she should have acted on any feelings for me instead of putting me in that weird gray zone. I told her we could be friends again, but that she would have to earn my trust back, and that if she ever hurt me like that again I would be out of her life forever. She was blown away by how forgiving I was and promised to never take my friendship for granted again.
Presently we're back to being close friends. The only difference is that I don't confide in her because of the lack of trust. However, the feelings I had for her are slowly coming back. I think about her a lot, we talk a lot, and we see each other often. She's not involved with anyone right now, but I can't stand the thought of her getting involved with someone else at some point. I told myself (and her when we reconciled) I would never pursue her again, and I feel like talking to her about this would ruin the friendship we just got back. I tried using dating to get over these feelings, but it's either a one night stand or doesn't go anywhere. I don't know how to view our friendship without any romantic thoughts.
� Lovesick Over A Friend, Boston
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Responses:
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fucking douche bag you are. Poor Rachel -- nm
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CQ
Apr 12, 09:15
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"practically dating"? What the heck is this? Dude, does she even know you exist? -- nm
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amoxy
Apr 12, 09:01
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"she was blown away by how" willing you were to wear that bridle. -- nm
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Max
Apr 12, 09:00
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"whip it out" -- nm
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Beaker
Apr 12, 08:58
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yeah, you're the real catch -- nm
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charlie
Apr 12, 08:56
6
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You are in the Friend Zone. sorry. -- nm
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loosilu
Apr 12, 08:54
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grow a pair -- nm
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Beaker
Apr 12, 08:52
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dude, she just not that into you. also: she's sleeping with the Doorman -- nm
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Epiphany
Apr 12, 08:52
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ugh, Five Paragraph Dater -- nm
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Max
Apr 12, 08:52
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