boston.com Love Letters: Help With Geek Love
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Jul 3 '13, 06:45
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Dear Meredith,
I need some help with geek love. I'm talking �Big Bang Theory� territory.
Here's my situation. I get together regularly with a group of friends. We all met in a Meetup group that kind of attracts people who are somewhat socially awkward and are definitely not the type to pick up people in bars. I sense that a lot of them lack the confidence to ask someone out. And I'll put myself in that category too.
There are two guys -- I'll call them Charlie and Rob -- that I'm very attracted to and interested in. I've known them both for several years and have sensed attraction/interest at different times from both of them. Sometimes even a little flirtation. But things haven't gone anywhere with either of them.
Charlie regularly sends me very chatty emails, remembers details I shared with him months ago, and lights up when we meet. We've gotten together twice outside of the group on a platonic level. Both times were great. We chatted while the hours flew by and very much enjoyed each other's company. Both times were my idea and he always says he's interested in getting together again but never suggests it. I'm sure he would go again if I suggested it. From various conversations we've had, I get the idea that he's very shy about asking girls out.
Rob can be physically flirty and he also lights up when we meet. He often walks me to my car and we stand there and chat for a long time before a very affectionate hug good-night. I get the idea that he didn't date much before he got married and now that he's divorced, he's very gun-shy about women.
I don't think either one of them is dating because most people suddenly don't have time for this social group once they find a significant other.
For my part, I've had some really bad life experiences that make me pretty rejection-averse as well. And even if I were to summon the courage, I feel like I just don't know how to show my attraction to a guy. And I get myself into this situation all the time - a guy is attracted to me and I'm attracted to him ... but we don't do anything about it because we're both too chicken. Is it them? Is it me? Or is it both sides? Or maybe I'm imagining their interest?
So what is the universe of geeks supposed to do? These people are attractive and smart and interesting, but we all settle for platonic love because we're too afraid to do anything about it. Or we're convinced the other person is just not that into us. Or we give off the "let's just be friends" vibe. Help!
� Geek Love, Medford
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