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boston.com Love Letters - He Has Checked Out

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Jul 10 '13, 10:55

Dear Meredith,

I am in my mid-40s and have been married for 20 years. I have four children ranging in age from 7 to 17. For the past few years, my marriage has become increasingly difficult. Like most couples, we have ebbs and flows, but it seems like lately my husband and I are on different pages and that we bring out the worst in each other -- impatience, avoidance, blame, etc. Recently he told me that our relationship "sucks," that I am "no fun," that he hasn't "been happy in 10 years," and that he has "checked out." Needless to say, this made me incredibly sad.

Divorce is not an option now with children at home. I have decided to go to counseling on my own, but find that even with that, it is increasingly difficult for me to get through my week and deal with full-time work and all child and home responsibilities with my faculties intact. My children know nothing of this, although occasionally they have heard us arguing mildly. Do you or your readers have any tips for coping? Thank you.

� No fun, Plymouth

Responses:

I suspect he's either cheating or thinking hard about it, but there isn't enough info to tell. I can't believe she didn't mention the possibility. - Trish Jul 10, 11:16 6
- I greatly concur with the cotton chemises. -- nm - Diva Jul 10, 11:27 5
  - I know right? They're just as comfy as a t-shirt, but they look so flirty and feminine. -- nm - Trish Jul 10, 11:31 1
    - and they're cool and comfy in summer months. -- nm - Diva Jul 10, 11:39
  - I concur with the last sentance -- nm - oblique Jul 10, 11:29 2
    - I concur with your concurrence. -- nm - Diva Jul 10, 11:29 1
      - An unexpected bj can cure a world of ills. -- nm - Trish Jul 10, 11:32
Move into a new place that has a doorman. -- nm - Strongbad Jul 10, 11:02
I don't have enough info on this one. -- nm - CQ Jul 10, 11:00 12
- meredith responds there is not enough info in the letter as well. -- nm - Diva Jul 10, 11:03 4
  - Which is why I think she's a bitch. She's wanting a response telling her how crappy a hubby she has and I'm not going to giver her that -- nm - CQ Jul 10, 11:07 3
    - she wants a coping mechanism. (I'm on to your schtick and I enjoy it greatly.) - Diva Jul 10, 11:09 2
      - she has to be honest with herself if she expects me to be honest with her. -- nm - CQ Jul 10, 11:13 1
        
        yes. you're right. -- nm - Diva Jul 10, 11:29
- Sounds to me like hubby might be having a mid-life crisis thing and wants to do more for him... - Jim Jul 10, 11:02 6
  - yep. he want's to move out of parenting mode and do what he considers fun stuff for him. She is still in parenting mode -- nm - decline Jul 10, 11:03 5
    - It is SO important that couples continue to have dates and mini-vacations without the kids... - Jim Jul 10, 11:08 4
      - Even if it is to leave the kids at Grandma's and go bang in a cheap motel -- nm - amoxy Jul 10, 11:10 3
        
        Save money and bang in the car...but yes. :) -- nm - Jim Jul 10, 11:11 1
        
        isn't that why the minivan was invented ? -- nm - decline Jul 10, 11:14
        
        how about they leave the kids with mom and he bangs grandma? -- nm - groiny Jul 10, 11:11
What do you mean Divorce is not an option? -- nm - amoxy Jul 10, 10:59 4
- I assume for the kids? nm -- nm - groiny Jul 10, 11:00 3
  - That is dumb -- nm - amoxy Jul 10, 11:02 2
    - I dunno, I am kind of on the fence if it is or not. nm -- nm - groiny Jul 10, 11:05 1
      - I guess there are levels as to what can be tolerated for the kids and what can't -- nm - amoxy Jul 10, 11:08
hire Aaron Hernandez to whack him. nm -- nm - groiny Jul 10, 10:57
Um...be fun? -- nm - Jim Jul 10, 10:56 1
- right? don't be a fucking stick in the mud. nm -- nm - groiny Jul 10, 10:57
have an affair -- nm - decline Jul 10, 10:56

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boston.com Love Letters - He Has Checked Out

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