meredith's LL response to I Proposed and She Said Nothing...
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Sep 6 '13, 11:31
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You use words like "perfect" and "tarnished." And you're both so focused on what other people think. That's troubling.
Things are only perfect when they're controllable and far away (or on Facebook). Once you have someone by your side all of the time, mistakes are made and life gets messy. But you get through it and are hopefully stronger for it. If you can't get used to tarnished, you're not ready for this kind of commitment.
You have every right to be upset that you were lured into a proposal that she clearly didn't want. But this is a great opportunity to find out whether you can communicate through the discomfort. Would she prefer to move without the engagement? Does she want to be engaged -- or is the pressure coming from her community? The answers to these questions are less important to me than her ability to talk it out. If she can't, that's a big red flag.
My advice (not surprisingly) is to take marriage off the table and to make a pact that you'll revisit the issue after you've been living in the same place long enough to know what things look like when they're good and tarnished. Because that's reality. You're supposed to fall in love with the mess and the flaws. Tell her you want to take the pressure off so that you can focus on the relationship as opposed to the proposal. If she doesn't like that, she's in it for the wrong reasons.
Readers? Should he walk? What happened here? Can they rally from this confusion? Were things really so perfect? Advise.
– Meredith
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