boston.com Love Letters: Too Much, Too Soon?
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Sep 10 '13, 06:59
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I'm in a very new relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two months now. When we met, we were both freshly out of serious, long-term relationships. In his case, an eight-year relationship that included two years of marriage, and for me, a four-year relationship. We met through mutual acquaintances and really hit it off. Before I knew it, we began seeing each other every day, texting when we aren't together, and he is sleeping over almost every night. I really enjoy the time we spend together. We get along on so many levels (intellectually, sexually, same sense of humor, etc.) and never run out of things to talk about. Although I admit that sometimes I do I feel slightly overwhelmed by the non-stop hang-outs.
My real concern doesn't have to do with our compatibility, but rather the timing of when our relationship began. This guy is still only legally separated from his ex-wife. He is pretty far along in the process of having the divorce finalized (hopefully in the next few weeks). I know that I am the first girl he's been with since his ex-wife, and that puts a considerable amount of pressure on me. I worry that he is simply relationship hopping or that he will discover that he is not ready for something serious. To make matters worse, he talks about his ex-wife constantly (which is understandable, I guess, since he's still in contact with her pretty regularly). But I have had to ask him on multiple occasions to keep the two of us separate because it is just too weird for me.
He also tends to over-compliment. While it's nice to hear that he likes me and it can be re-assuring, it can be a bit much. Every conversation we have, he makes sure to compliment my appearance (primarily) or my intellect at least two or three times. It makes me feel like he is trying to convince himself that he wants to be with me rather than coming off as genuine. I've also brought this up with him, but he insists that his feelings are legitimate and that he simply "can't believe he's dating a woman like me."
I guess my question is -- is this normal? Will he relax with time and just grow to enjoy the time with me instead of harping on his ex-wife or over-compensating with compliments? Would it be best to spend less time together? Or is this all in my head? Maybe I'm the one with the relationship complex.
– Real or Relationship Hopping?, Boston
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