boston.com Love Letters - I Want to Skip Christmas
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Oct 1 '13, 08:02
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Hi Meredith,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and we have an incredible relationship. We grew up really differently -- I'm from just outside the city, have traveled extensively, and it was always assumed I'd go to college, while he is from a tiny town a couple of hours away, is just starting to discover the magic of travel (he's taken his first big trips while we've been together), and he's the only one of his siblings who went to college. We also hail from different religious backgrounds. We both identify and celebrate the major holidays, but neither of us is really religious. I've spent some time with his family, and while they're perfectly nice, I don't feel especially close to them. They've never been particularly curious about me. I always carry the conversations and they don't ever ask questions. I'd be surprised if they know what I do for work or anything about my family. I've definitely struggled with this -- I've always loved the idea of being close to my significant other's family -- but I realize I love him and am dating him, not them.
None of this has ever been an issue until recently, when a friend and I came up with the idea of taking a trip abroad at Christmas. Neither of us celebrates Christmas, so we figured it could be a perfect opportunity to get away and score some great travel deals. My boyfriend was supportive at first, but it came up in conversation that it "would really mean a lot to him" for me to be with his family for Christmas. I did spend last Christmas with them and as usual, I carried most of the conversation and was slightly uncomfortable, but all in all it was a nice afternoon and I was happy to be there. I told him I know it means a lot to him and I did consider it (which I did!) but that travel is really important to me and I have such limited opportunities to do it. On top of this, he just skipped out on a family dinner for the biggest religious holiday I celebrate due to a crushing amount of grad school homework. Understandable, sure, but it did give me pause -- he had mentioned he knew it was an important holiday.
I know that if I don't go on the trip, I'll feel resentful towards him. Unfortunately there's no way schedule-wise to do both. Should I feel obligated to stay? Is it selfish of me to go? Is it fair of him to ask me to stay? Help would be much appreciated!
– Love or Travel, Boston
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