If animals could talk, do you think more people would date/marry their pets? -- link
Posted by
Beaker (aka anniebecca)
Nov 12 '13, 16:58
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Probably. There's already a significant "crazy pet owner" population in this country—people who will dig a switchblade into your eye if you happen to point out that their dog should be on a leash inside the Baskin Robbins. So it's not exactly a stretch to think that people who already consider their pets to be lifetime companions would take it a step further if oral communication were introduced. Birds can talk, and I don't even want to know the number of Floridians who have probably tried to jam a parrot up their ass just because Polly could holla back whenever they walked in the door.
HOWEVER, I think part of the reason that people love their pets so much is specifically because they can't talk. You can yap all day to some fucking dog and the dog won't cut you off or disagree with you or beg you to shut up. It'll just sit there and pant and you can pretend that it empathizes with you when all it wants is a teaspoon of peanut butter. It's a simpler relationship than the ones we have with other humans. People construct a deep relationship with their pet out of that silence. If your dog could talk, you might argue with it more. You might grow to dislike it more than you ever would if it had just kept its trap shut. People might be more prone to marrying or fucking their dogs if they could talk, but they also might be more prone to killing them or giving them away. Imagine going to the dog pound and hearing every fucking dog there talk like a homeless person. You'd never rescue some doggie hobo. It's right to the injection room for him!
By the way, if cats could talk, they'd say FUCK YOU all day long, so no one would own them, let alone marry them.
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