ST Alpha - "Having read the replies first, I expected the dude to be a jerk. He sounds fairly justified to me." (Reading a Post)

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In response to "dear prudence: My Ex Didn't Mention She Was Transgender" by Diva

Having read the replies first, I expected the dude to be a jerk. He sounds fairly justified to me.

Posted by David (aka David) Mar 20 '14, 07:54

Jim is right that he should not stand in the way of his wife's reconciliation with the family. Still, they took the side of a liar over someone telling the truth. That's...terrifying.

Responses:

Even if the sister is telling the truth, she still stuck her nose into her sister's relationship with her boyfriend and then started dating the dude. - Roger More Mar 20, 07:58 35
- "You should have allowed your sister to build a relationship around a lie rather than build a marriage around truth." - David Mar 20, 08:00 34
  - I'm not saying this is black and white. But this guy seems incapable of understanding anyone's view but his own - Roger More Mar 20, 08:08 4
    - I completely agree about the reconciliation. With regards to the other thing, I could understand him having trust issues after that. - David Mar 20, 08:10 3
      - I can understand him trusting the sister. But I can also understand the rest of the family not trusting the sister. -- nm - Roger More Mar 20, 08:13 1
        
        (and also, him) -- nm - Roger More Mar 20, 08:15
      - Are they the only people on the island? -- nm - Spawn Lord Mar 20, 08:12
  - She should have never got involved with the guy. She is a bad sister. Hence the family staying on the other side. -- nm - Spawn Lord Mar 20, 08:03
  - i can honestly say it is none of my business what my sibling does in his relationship. i would never get involved. -- nm - Andie Mar 20, 08:01 27
    - Well, if everyone always did what they were supposed to, we wouldn't have Dear Prudence -- nm - con_carne Mar 20, 08:23
    - That is certainly your choice. If I cared about someone and I knew they were being deceived, I would say something. - David Mar 20, 08:04 24
      - Nobody really has a right to go around telling people how they should identify themselves -- nm - con_carne Mar 20, 08:26
      - "1) the sister was not being honest about who she is" is wrong - ty97 Mar 20, 08:13 8
        
        Who you were is always still part of who you are. - Inigo Mar 20, 08:24
        
        I'm sure that distinction means something to you but it does not to me. Inigo is right about Lie of Omission as a best case scenario. -- nm - David Mar 20, 08:16 6
        
        The distinction should matter to you too. - ty97 Mar 20, 08:18 4
        
        I am thinking of Rhonda as a woman who was once a man. -- nm - Bacon Mar 20, 08:22
        
        I can't speak for anyone else but I am not. And the distinction still does not matter to me. - David Mar 20, 08:21 2
        
        you can replace "transgender" with "inoperable cancer" and the results are the same. nm -- nm - groiny Mar 20, 08:22 1
        
        in that those things should be shared up front, or as close to up front as possible. nm -- nm - groiny Mar 20, 08:23
        
        "my girlfriend used to have a dick", is a big deal to me, right or wrong. nm -- nm - groiny Mar 20, 08:18
      - As I said, they are *all* horrible in this. -- nm - Spawn Lord Mar 20, 08:06
      - this -- nm - Beaker Mar 20, 08:04 12
        
        What if Rhonda thoguht he was "the one" and was struggling with how to have the conversation but was planning to? - Spawn Lord Mar 20, 08:11 11
        
        If he were The One, she would have had no problem telling him from the start. - David Mar 20, 08:14 10
        
        People do not always know it is The One from the beginning. That talk is one that would be difficult. - Spawn Lord Mar 20, 08:22 6
        
        He was a single guy. She was a single girl. The "stole him" part is out the window since he was available. - David Mar 20, 08:23 5
        
        Amy went to him and broke up the relationship. She *made* him available. - Spawn Lord Mar 20, 08:27
        
        It's the sibling version of the bro code. -- nm - Roger More Mar 20, 08:26 3
        
        Scumbag sister. -- nm - Shaun Mar 20, 08:26 2
        
        Yeah, I am shocked that anyone would take her side on this. -- nm - Spawn Lord Mar 20, 08:28 1
        
        had he been told the truth up front, it would not have come to that -- nm - groiny Mar 20, 08:30
        
        I was just getting ready to type this. He wasn't The One -- nm - Bacon Mar 20, 08:15 2
        
        i agree he wasn't. but that doesn't mean Rhonda wasn't seriously hurt by this. -- nm - Andie Mar 20, 08:18 1
        
        I am sure Rhonda was very hurt. I agree. - Bacon Mar 20, 08:21
    - Unless you were going to steal the guy and make him your own, right? -- nm - Spawn Lord Mar 20, 08:03
They took the side of the jilted instead of the boy friend stealer. Sounds about right. -- nm - Spawn Lord Mar 20, 07:58
they took the side of their daughter, who had already been through a lot. -- nm - Andie Mar 20, 07:57
Calling her a liar isn't really fair. If he asked "Hey did you used to be a dude?" and she said no, then yeah, liar. -- nm - Shaun Mar 20, 07:55 3
- It's a lie of omission. -- nm - Inigo Mar 20, 07:57 2
  - Dishonest is a better description. -- nm - Shaun Mar 20, 08:10 1
    - I disagree. See my reply to ty below for why. -- nm - Inigo Mar 20, 08:11
How is Rhonda a liar? - ty97 Mar 20, 07:55 9
- in soul man, did you feel that c. thomas howell changed his race by presenting himself differently? - dogbert Mar 20, 08:04 5
  - Independent of this entire discussion, that is one of my favorite headers ever. -- nm - David Mar 20, 08:18
  - Being transgender is quite different from wearing a Halloween costume or putting on blackface -- nm - ty97 Mar 20, 08:07 3
    - What if the man wants to have biological children with the woman he loves. Not sure where science is at this moment but I don't think that's possible - Bacon Mar 20, 08:12
    - Yeah, the new vagina isn't just being held on by an elastic band. -- nm - Ender Mar 20, 08:11 1
      - I mean, that at least requires some rubber cement or something. -- nm - Ender Mar 20, 08:14
- I don't want to turn this into a thing about transgender because I happen to like and respect the only transgender person I know. - David Mar 20, 07:59 2
  - It is certainly a conversation that needs to occur and three months is probably too long to wait. - ty97 Mar 20, 08:06 1
    - Respectfully, I believe that both of your conclusions are conjecture rather than fact. -- nm - David Mar 20, 08:09

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Having read the replies first, I expected the dude to be a jerk. He sounds fairly justified to me.

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