boston.com Love Letters - Not A Sweatshirt Kind of Relationship
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Oct 6 '14, 11:59
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Hi Meredith,
I've been dating my current boyfriend for almost a year. When I first met him I was married but had been considering divorce for a while. Since meeting him I have filed for divorce (to be finalized this fall), moved across the country (I was on the West Coast), and re-started my life. I should add that he lives in Canada and we now have a long-distance relationship.
I adore my new man. He is one of the most interesting, honest, and passionate people I have ever met. He makes me feel like a woman, which is rare since every other relationship I've been in, I've been a girl, a cute girl, never a sexy woman.
But (of course there is a but) when we first started dating he was basically a complete psycho and would get mad (maybe not mad, but would voice his negative opinion) at me for any piece of clothing he didn't like. He didn't like my hair (too short), or my clothes (too loose), no sweatshirt or workout attire was allowed EVER, so basically my entire wardrobe appalled him, to a point where one morning I broke down and cried and told him I couldn't take it and wanted to end our three-month relationship. Since then he has done a complete 180 and rarely mentions my wardrobe, but let's be honest, I'm not exactly "testing" this born-again boyfriend. I haven't chopped my hair or worn anything that he previously said he disliked (i.e. workout clothes, which anyone who knows me knows is my go-to outfit).
I find myself holding back and not acting completely normal around him. For example (very trivial example) I would NEVER wear sweatpants/workout clothes in front of him, which I like -- it keeps our relationship on the "sexy" side vs. comfortable. But I feel this holding back is seeping into my whole persona. I keep thinking I will loosen up as time goes on, but there is still a feeling I'm not totally being myself -- and at the moment I'm still trying to figure out who "myself" is after the divorce.
We recently had another talk about what happened and he apologized for the way he behaved, but he feels there isn't anything he can do now to make up for what happened in the past. I don't know what to do and how to get over it.
He says he loves me, but I doubt it from time to time because of what happened. He changed me, and then he loved me, you know?
I'd appreciate any advice.
– Sorry can't think of a clever tagline
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Responses:
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really? -- nm
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b.
Oct 6, 13:13
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Accident waiting to happen now. -- nm
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budice
Oct 6, 12:34
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"when we first started dating he was basically a complete psycho and would get mad (maybe not mad, but would voice his negative opinion)"
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Loyola
Oct 6, 12:17
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Why is she still with when she called him a complete psycho in the beginning? -- nm
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amoxy
Oct 6, 12:09
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3
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effin Canadians. -- nm
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CQ
Oct 6, 12:03
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This reminds me of a woman I know, whose husband won't "let" her wear t-shirts. He refers to them as
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kelly
Oct 6, 12:03
7
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run away -- nm
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Beaker
Oct 6, 12:01
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OFFS -- nm
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Spawn
Oct 6, 12:01
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walk, no, run away. -- nm
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Andie
Oct 6, 12:00
4
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