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So, last night when FedEx lost my DirecTv receiver, I thought I'd hit rock bottom on farce. I was wrong.

Today, Fedex found it; delivered to a neighbor that shared 25% of our address. They gave it to Kelly and I installed the much smaller receiver.

Then I went to send the old receiver back in the box provided. It wouldn't fit (just the co-ax cable adaptor) so I call DirecTv.

I immediately get a non-native speaker and when I explain the issue (the old receiver won't fit in the box; what do I do?). She then proceeds to tell me, "Oh, we'll send you a new box and a new envelope for the access card?"

"Why do I need both? I just need a larger box or permission to send you the current access card in the current envelope."

Repeats about sending a new box and this time mentions a new receiver. "I already have the new receiver. Why do I ..." *gets interrupted*

"Because we sometimes don't want an old box back but I'm going to send a new unit out and a new envelope."

"Can you transfer me to someone else, we're going in circles."

"Sir, I can do that, but I have to caution you that if you just give your box to someone else, we'll have to charge you a non-return fee."

"But...I am trying to return the....can you just transfer me to someone?"

She does. This guy then listens to me explain the issue, and then goes silent for a minute straight. "Are you there?" "Yeah, I"m just looking up the box." *goes silent for another minute*

"Are you there?" *nothing*

I hung up, smashed the old receever into the box provided, taped that fucker up tighter than it had any right to be taped up...

Kelly's too busy trying not to laugh at me and my just completely gob-smacked expression...

twelve minutes.
gone.





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