boston.com Love Letters - He Spends More Time Caring For His Friend
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
May 14 '15, 10:25
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Dear Meredith,
As a former Boston resident, I'm a long-time reader and big fan. And I'd love to say New York has brought me a life of love and romance, but alas, here I am. I'm in a long-distance relationship with a former co-worker (and when I say long, I mean about an hour-and-a-half, so actually not long at all). We've been together for about six months but friends for well over a year. We'll call him Kevin.
Kevin lives with his best friend from college, who was diagnosed with a terminal illness and cannot live independently. This person has no family and Kevin is the sole caretaker. Therefore it is "impossible," according to Kevin, to come to Manhattan to visit for fear of leaving his roommate alone. In order to see Kevin, I have to go to him. And even when I am there, a lot of our time is spent either with the roommate, or with Kevin taking care of him. There are a lot of great things about Kevin; his devotion and commitment to his friend being one of them. He works hard, he's smart, and I think he's an honest person. But at the end of the day – and I realize this is going to sound selfish – he isn't able to contribute to the relationship as much as I am, and I often feel like I do 80 percent of the work and he does about 20. Lately it's been weighing heavily on me and I'm wondering if it's time to call it off and accept that this person isn't able to give me what I need.
On the flip side, it's conceivable that the roommate – who has been receiving treatment for his illness for over a year, with some promise of recovery – will improve in the near future, and thus, my relationship would too. Should I call it off? Or hold out in the hopes of change?
– Frustrated, New York
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