bonus friday hax chat q: does sister's new racist BF get a pass because he's the only one she's dated since h.s. and she's 48 now
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Q: Caught in a Dilemma
Dear Carolyn, My older sister, 48, has suffered her entire life from health problems that impacted every area of her life. She has always been obese. Before this year, she has only had one boyfriend, back in high school. Dating has otherwise been a non-starter for her until last year, when she entered the world of online dating which majorly broadened her horizons. There have been a few duds, but now she is seeing "Kevin," and she seems to be over the moon for him. Last night, my husband and I had the opportunity to meet the two of them for dinner. It was our first time meeting Kevin. While the two men were talking, Kevin made a racially charged comment that deeply offended my husband (who is black), which he later shared with me. I'm sorry to say, it was a comment that might have breezed by me before I married my husband and had mixed-race children, but I too found it very upsetting when I heard about it later. My dilemma is this: it has been SO hard for my sister to find a man willing to date her, much less one she wants to date as well. Plus, my husband and I are almost certainly more sensitive to this kind of thing than she is. On the other hand, ugh racism. There is also a long, difficult-to-explain subtext of her thinking I see myself as "the normal one" between us, and that I believe only I get to have a relationship (this came up when I expressed reservations about online dating last year, but give me a break, I had zero personal experience with it and it truly did seem really strange to me). Anyway, I guess I'd like an objective opinion as to what to say to my sister about her beau. (Husband comes down strongly on the side of "tell," because he now can't stand the guy, but I don't want to ruin a good thing if I don't have to.)
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