bonus friday hax chat q: how can he deal with his wife's major persecution complex (a common problem)
Posted by
slipping jimmy (aka chris)
Jul 10 '15, 12:41
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Q: Wife has a major persecution complex
Hi Carolyn, thanks in advance for taking my letter. And if I'm lucky, you'll be answering on my birthday on the 10th! Here is my issue: my wife has a major problem with thinking that everyone hates her because she does so much more than everyone, or that they just hate her for being herself. If we go to a restaurant, the waitress somehow always treats her terribly, but of course I just "don't understand" if I ask her what exactly happened. I don't see any bad looks, no plates slammed down, etc, so I have a hard time finding the problem and we end up having a fight about it at some point. The same thing happens with her family. If she texts/calls and they don't answer right away, it's because they hate her for some infraction and she agonizes over what it might be for hours. When they finally do get back, she's happy but somewhere along the way they hate her for something she said. They don't ever say it out loud, it's always manifested in their non-verbals (yes, even over text). I try to keep her grounded by pointing out that everyone could not possibly hate her all at once, and maybe she should just learn to live with the fact that people are not her, no matter how much she wishes they could be. She admits she is hyper-sensitive to certain things, but she also can't admit that she could possibly be reading everyone so wrongly. It is getting to the point where she refuses to go places because she thinks she's going to be put down, shunned, ostracized, whatever. It takes days and sometimes weeks to get her to agree to go somewhere, and she always finds reasons not to go related to how she thinks she'll be treated. Oh, and of course the way she's treated is symptomatic of how badly women are valued in society, and it's "those damn men thinking they can do whatever they want" in keeping her down. I've gently suggested she seek counseling but she refuses to go. How do I help her get over this problem?
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Responses:
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I'm three lines in and I suspect he is gaslighting her. Exhibit A: "here is my birthday!!!" -- nm
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Roger More
Jul 10, 12:54
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she does not understand she is NOT the centre of the universe, and never will be. divorce is the only answer for you to keep your sanity -- nm
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Peglegpete
Jul 10, 12:54
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Move to China! -- nm
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Max
Jul 10, 12:49
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He should try sharing his fries -- nm
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decline
Jul 10, 12:46
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that's a disorder, and she needs counseling. since she refuses, he has to deal - maybe see someone himself for help and advice in
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b.
Jul 10, 12:46
2
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He needs to have an even bigger persecution complex so she can see how ridiculous he is. -- nm
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Loyola
Jul 10, 12:45
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"bang the waitress." right? -- nm
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fabulous squad
Jul 10, 12:43
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Oh, this should be good. -- nm
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Will Hunting
Jul 10, 12:42
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