friday hax chat q: regrets, their spouse has had a few
Posted by
sweet baboo (aka chris)
Mar 11 '16, 10:39
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Q: Regret
Hi Carolyn, I have a spouse who always regrets decisions, so much so that we are often paralyzed in being able to move forward with life. Spouse needed to date for several years before being ready to get married. Wanted to have kids but was awful for the first 2/3 of the pregnancy, wondering if we'd made the right choice (spouse is now a wonderful, patient and loving parent). We live in a small starter home (we are both working professionals) and have looked at bigger homes for years. But there is always second guessing about what kind of house, what neighborhood, etc., underscored by a bigger concern about whether we should even be in this city, or whether we should move back across the country to be closer to family. There is always some reason not to proceed in any direction. We made an exciting choice this week and made an offer on a house - and, predictably, spouse is now filled with regret. I am at the limit of my patience and am not supportive of this kind of anxiety and uneasiness any longer. I think if we had passed on the house and someone else had purchased it, spouse would still be filled regret saying it was the one that got away. This has played out in smaller ways along the way - i.e. buying a vehicle and then talking about all the ways it isn't great. I am at the limit of my patience. I am not supportive or loving, to the point where I often don't like who I am anymore. I know I've had a role in things playing out this way, and feel like I need to take a hard look at that. Would love your insight on how to find joy without feeling derailed by spouse's negativity - or how I can support without enabling? If I am so fortunate to hear your thoughts can you answer online only please? Signed, Frustrated
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