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bonus hax chat q: daughter hasn't asked for $$ from the parents for her wedding, so they wanna use some of it to fly their other kids out

Posted by sweet baboo (aka chris) Mar 11 '16, 12:01

Q: Disclose Wedding Budget

Dear Carolyn: Daughter and fiancé are getting married where they live, a 7 hour plane ride from where we live. My husband and I gave money to our other two kids when they got married. Daughter hasn't asked us for anything, and I know they are planning a low key ceremony and reception. My other two kids have small children themselves and told me they can't afford air travel and hotel rooms without some help. My husband and I are considering giving half of Daughters wedding money to them so they can attend. I am trying to decide if I should tell Daughter all of this. Her siblings got married over 5 years ago, so she might not know or remember what we contributed to their weddings then. We could just give her half and she isn't the type to question it. My husband said that he can't put his finger on it, but he feels uneasy with that. I think it's fine if we don't tell Daughter but be honest with her if she asks, which she is unlikely to do. Do you think we should tell her or not?

Responses:

Did you try asking her what she thinks? - znufrii Mar 11, 12:25 11
- you know what, though - she might just like to have the same gift her other siblings got. I don't think that would make her selfish. -- (edited) - Diva Mar 11, 12:31 10
  - It's really not any of her business how much the other siblings got at the time, imho. - znufrii Mar 11, 12:33 9
    - Her father is right to feel uneasy. He's uneasy because it's a shitty thing to do. -- nm - Loyola Mar 11, 12:40
    - if i was aware that my siblings were gifted, say, $5000 each when they got married, and i got offered nothing or far less, I would be hurt. -- (edited) - Andie Mar 11, 12:35 3
      - Where did I suggest it shouldn't be brought up? -- nm - znufrii Mar 11, 12:39 2
        
        well, when you say 'it's none of her business', that's implying they don't need to discuss any of this. -- nm* - Andie Mar 11, 12:41 1
        
        Not really, in light of my previous post on the thread. - znufrii Mar 11, 12:46
    - who said anything about the daughter asking for numbers? -- (edited) - Diva Mar 11, 12:33 3
      - How else would she know she was getting the same gift? -- nm - znufrii Mar 11, 12:47 2
        
        I meant 'the gift everyone got for their wedding' not necessarily a specific line item. Although I can see how the earlier post could be misconstrued. -- nm - Diva Mar 11, 12:50
        
        because maybe it came up with her siblings at the time? -- nm - Andie Mar 11, 12:49
Maybe she's having a small thing because they can't afford more (maybe not, of course.) I think if you have wedding money for daughter, that's HER - Andie Mar 11, 12:09 3
- Word. Do the kids have to *ask* for a wedding present in order to get it? Did the two others get the same amount? Give her the same present. -- nm - Loyola Mar 11, 12:11
- (i want to hear the hax response for this one.) -- nm - Andie Mar 11, 12:11 1
  - carolyn sez . . . - sweet baboo Mar 11, 12:12
why tell her if it doesn't matter to her and she won't care? -- nm - Diva Mar 11, 12:04 3
- "My husband said that he can't put his finger on it, but he feels uneasy with that." i can put my finger exactly on it -- nm - sweet baboo Mar 11, 12:06 2
  - #wherespixiesfinger -- nm - Diva Mar 11, 12:10 1
    - ask amber rose -- nm - sweet baboo Mar 11, 12:14
give your daughter all her money and pay for the other kids, ya' cheapskate -- nm - decline Mar 11, 12:04 17
- Then they'd be getting more. Give daughter money and let her pay for siblings if she wants them there. It's her wedding. -- nm - nic to be determined Mar 11, 12:06 16
  - see, that's not exactly true. Money to fly in siblings is NOT money for daughter's wedding. -- nm - Andie Mar 11, 12:08 7
    - It would depend on the family, but I'd think having them there would be a rather integral part of the day. -- nm - znufrii Mar 11, 12:28 3
      - sure, i agree. but i think it's the daughter's decision what do with money that is meant for her. -- nm - Andie Mar 11, 12:38 2
        
        (and doing it 'behind her back' makes it feel sneaky when it shouldn't be) -- nm - Andie Mar 11, 12:39 1
        
        Like I said give her the money, if she wants to use it pay for tickets that's her choice. She gets to chose how it applies to her wedring. -- nm - nic to be determined Mar 11, 13:10
    - Mom thinks it is. -- nm - nic to be determined Mar 11, 12:09 2
      - right, but i am saying the reason they are uneasy, and asking, is because on some level they know that isn't okay. -- nm - Andie Mar 11, 12:10 1
        
        Dad does, Mom doesn't and wanted Hax to reassure her she's right. -- nm - nic to be determined Mar 11, 12:17
  - all hypothetical but as much as i love my brothers, i would be hard pressed to pay for 12 plane tickets and hotel rooms -- nm - sweet baboo Mar 11, 12:07 7
    - Mom was going to take half that money to do it. Maybe the daughter is having the wedding so far away to keep them from coming. -- nm - nic to be determined Mar 11, 12:09
    - to say nothing of the 8 stepsisters and their kids -- nm - sweet baboo Mar 11, 12:09 5
      - I thought Landbeck was the mormon -- nm - decline Mar 11, 12:09 4
        
        3 marriages, yo -- nm - sweet baboo Mar 11, 12:11 3
        
        your pops gets around -- nm - decline Mar 11, 12:12
        
        (consecutive) -- nm - sweet baboo Mar 11, 12:11 1
        
        (laughing at the clarification) -- nm - Max Mar 11, 12:11

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bonus hax chat q: daughter hasn't asked for $$ from the parents for her wedding, so they wanna use some of it to fly their other kids out

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