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In response to
"need to head out soon - what does the Hax say, if you don't mind? -- nm"
by
Diva
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carolyn sez . . .
Posted by
pixie ninja (aka chris)
Mar 25 '16, 10:46
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A: Carolyn Hax
Not unilaterally, no, and it doesn't sound as if she's disposed right now to indulge your indecision on what she means to you (the more charitable take) or your preference for having her at your disposal without its costing you any flexibility in how you envision your future (the less charitable version).
You can care about someone deeply without wanting to join your life to hers permanently, and when someone you really care about leaves your life abruptly, that hurts. She isn't giving you a get-out-of-commitment-free card to ease the former, and there's no such thing as a get-out-of-pain-free card for the latter. So, you just have to hurt for a while and, when you're ready, reshape your life so that she's not at its center anymore.
I know I sound unsympathetic, but I'm actually not. Figuring out who you want to be, where, and with whom, is a deceptively emotional process. It's going to involve some disappointment and direction changes, including sometimes flat-out losses. Give yourself some time to figure out why you felt so certain you needed those 2-4 years. I'm not saying you did or didn't; that's not something I could tell. I just think in your reasoning is a better understanding of yourself, and that's the best thing you can take away from this. Good luck.
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